I haven’t written in years. It just wasn’t me back then. I was not me to be honest. It was a version of me I no longer recognize, or even want to be. But let’s briefly recap before we all get lost…
Years ago I started blogging because I felt it was a good outlet. I met a few friends through blogging and I believe that’s really the best thing that came out of this. I still follow many bloggers from back then and love that our lives are still linked somehow, even if it’s through different outlets. Life happened though and that prompted me to stop using this.
When grief hits you, it hits you hard. At least it hit me the hardest. My mom died in 2015. There’s life before, and there’s like after that period. That year is a major blur to me. I remember bits and pieces. I’m okay with that. It’s also the last time I fully traveled and was in Europe. Yes. That long. I’m not proud of it. There were many factors that prohibited me from traveling internationally, and while many probably thought I was avoiding Europe and friends, I wasn’t. I just couldn’t travel. Then in 2018 I was given the okay again, but then life changed once more (for the better). We moved and then I saw two red stripes on a stick I peed on.
2019 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She’s the spitfire we needed in our lives. She’s the funny clown who brings us to tears and makes our ab muscles become more defined ;) she is also so strong and so emotional all at once that I simply cannot get enough of her.
We all know 2020 and 2021 as weird years. Years that divided the country, the world, made us question things, do things, say things, avoid things…let’s just say those years are blurry except when we finally saw people again. That is also the time I got pregnant again (after a loss), and early 2022 our second baby arrived. A boy. My forever date alongside his dad of course ;)
Life has been amazing. Hard yes, but still amazing. It hurts knowing mom won’t ever know her grand-babies. It hurts knowing I’m far away from my old home. But life is great and once we are ready we will visit family and friends overseas. I give kudos to those that travel with infants and toddlers. It is just not us. We make it to San Francisco most times (by car) and that’s about it to be honest. It’s a lot. Traveling with kids is not like traveling alone or with friends only. It’s phenomenal because you get to see places through their eyes, but it certainly isn’t the same. It’s chaotic, it’s unpredictable, more expensive (let’s be honest here), and yet it is filled with memories we will hold in our hearts forever. One day we will travel again, kind of like we used to.
With that being all written I have to say I don’t know what I’ll do but I thought I needed to write down some thoughts. I know no one will read this and that’s ok. I just needed to empty my brain real quick, release me of all the things, make room for more and now I can move on!!!
Xoxo
