October 31, 2009

October 30, 2009

Where The Story Ends

One more day!!! I feel so sad I can't be around giving out candy and stuff. Even though we all know it's not good for the little ones to eat candy and all kinds of sugery stuff, I still miss those nights where I spent hours with a ton of self-made bags filled with all sorts of unhealthy things waiting until the door bell rang and then I went and enlightened their day/afternoon/night (depending on age) with some treats!!!
People at the house at some point wanted to stop this and give the kids really healthy things instead. I thought they were nuts. We had discussions over this, and ended up having both...the healthy and the unhealthy kind. Parents apparently loved the idea, kids not so much. We ended up with most of the healthy kind, and ate all of it the next day or so. Though Halloween isn't just about the candy and the costume, though let's face it we love those parts!!!

One more day and then this Halloween obsession of mine ends. At least for now.
I'm gonna miss pumpkins, and the color orange!!! ;)

It is Friday!!! Can't believe how fast this week went by.
I'm not feeling any better and this literally stinks but I can't do much about it.
Trying to distract myself a little. And trying to cheer up because Christmas is around the corner, and I so need to finish Christmas shopping like by yesterday!!!! I'm way behind but I blame it on my weird health situation. No one wants to think of Christmas or buying Christmas gifts when feeling sick. I'm getting better though, and well, I'm hoping the shopping is getting better too because so far I've found nothing...not that there isn't anything to buy but the gifts have to be special, useful, and well, not incredibly heavy because they'll be sent overseas and that my lovelies costs a fortune (postal service is way too expensive in here)...not to mention the items I have to find first (they aren't cheap either). I miss Target!!! I miss my favorite boutique downtown Ventura, too. They might have what I'm looking for...they always have something...but here?! Boutiques are so overpriced I get shocked each time I pass by one. Shocked is the wrong word...I'm terrified to even go in that's how expensive it is! My wallet yells at me not to go in and I always listen. So, let's hope I get to go out today and find some more affordable gifts...

image sources: weheartit

October 29, 2009


Good morning everyone.
I slept in today. In case you were wondering, I do go back to work next week. Not that I'm looking forward to it but it's going to be alright. After that, I'm going to be depressed again, and wallowing in self-pity over my horrible life. Then again, it's not as horrible. There are worse things out there, and there are plenty other people out there suffering each day (in a very different way), struggling with life's ups and downs...and well, I should be looking at the bright side. I sent in resumes, even sent my college stuff over to some companies and schools in Istanbul (my aunt made me do this), and I'm looking into schools near Los Angeles, and tada...Seattle?! The latter one is quite new to me. I remember though that I wanted to visit that city nine years ago but failed and now it may be the right time?! Who knows. I said I'm looking into schools, haven't applied or really found one yet...so it all could change in a second. Life's that way anyway.

On today's to-do list is:

♥ take some medicine (I'm still dizzy)
♥ read 20 more pages
♥ go out and buy Christmas gifts
♥ go to a Christmas presentation "party" (yes, it is only two months away, I love X-Mas, and the party is held in a store and their Christmas decoration is to die for).
♥ do things slowly
♥ catch up on reading (I opened my reader and found 150 entries...not good!!!)

It seems as if today is going to be quite eventful. Sort of.
Time for me to get my coffee, and then get ready for the day!!!

But let me first read some more blogs...the ones I'm literally catching up on today (maybe more but you never know) are this, and this, and this, and this one. I'm sure I'm going to read more...but I tend to read one or two blogs quite intensively and then skip over others which is not fair and then out of nowhere I realize I had been missing out and needed to re-read the whole thing and voila...that's what I'm doing today.

Have a fabulous day.

October 28, 2009

Learn. Accept. Run. Heal.

So, I went to my doctor today. I needed to know what was wrong with me. Some of you (thank you for your input by the way) asked/wondered/suggested if vertigo was a possible thing I might have, low blood pressure, not enough iron, etc etc etc. I was so sure I had low blood iron and needed infusions again (so yes, not my first time...and yes, only infusions worked on me).

You got to be kidding me?!!! That's what I told my doctor. She was laughing.  
This isn't funny. I feel like total crap, can't move fast, can't look up or down, feel dizzy like never before, am dizzy now while sitting on this chair, could fall asleep at any given moment and you tell me that nothing is wrong?!??!! 
Blood pressure (perfect), blood level (perfect), iron level (perfect), any other things they tested because I made them (perfect).
So what could be the problem??!!!

My doctor is a very nice person. She's a doctor and well, I don't like doctors. My family's full of doctors and even though it's family, I still don't like doctors. Then again, I learned that even though you want a doctor to tell you what's wrong with you, you still have to remember that they are humans. They can't know everything and sometimes they simply can't help you. My nice doctor couldn't help me. I still don't like doctors. Now even more. On the outside I was the tough girl but in the inside I was crying - real hard.

She gave me tips on how to change some things like how I start my day, or what I should be doing more or less and all. She also told me to stick to some sort of diary and keep track of when I feel the way I feel and if it is worse when the so-called "ugly weather period" (her words) occurred in this area. Well, you have to know that this city is sort of located in a valley where strong winds come from the south (Italy) and other strong winds come from the north (Germany) and when they collide they do that right here! I never had problems with those winds (some people do get headaches, even migraines caused by this wind phenomenon); I actually love them (I even love the Santa Ana's and I miss having messy hair!!) but apparently these winds (sometimes felt, sometimes not felt at all) are different. And, well, my doctor suggested to keep track of everything and how my dizziness is associated with the winds, or not or whatever. Just great. Just to make sure (sort of) that my "problem" is caused by the winds. Yes, right!!! And where were those so-called problems when I was younger, or last year?!!!
She also mentioned that it is likely that (and this is somewhat funny) my problem could be also caused by living in this area, trapped in the middle of nowhere and far away from real air. A couple of years ago, during winter (and after I had moved back to Europe), I got sick. I had a terrible cough, which in my eyes was just a regular cough up until it just didn't want to go away and even got worse. I couldn't sleep, eat, drink, do anything or walk anymore. I couldn't breathe normally anymore either and no medicine whatsoever seemed to help. My body rejected everything. I stayed home, puked my guts out (even though there was nothing in there...just to give you a "sort of" visuable), cried constantly because my whole body ached and I simply couldn't stop the cough, and the accumulated pain to stop. The maximum I slept in a week was maybe three hours. Did I mention that it was in a week!???!!!! There were moments I literally (and I am not joking) wanted to die. I thought it was easier. I couldn't do it anymore. Normally, coughs are gone within a week, maybe two. In my case it felt as if it would never go away. It got worse each day and it scared me. Back then the whole staff at my doctor's knew me. I went in there pretty much every day, because whatever I was taking didn't work, and made me more sick. After almost three months I felt slowly better! I eventually received the hard stuff and it felt great. Having lung problems is just not funny. Ever since I still have to deal with occasional pain and each time I get flashbacks and all I want to do is cry. I don't but if you could see through me you'd see that I'm definitely crying in the inside. Just like today on this chair in front of my doctor. Either way, back then my doctor suggested to move. Not sure if I ever told that anyone. I might have mentioned my doc saying I should go to the mountains (the top part that is) or to the beach where the air is fresher and cleaner (no matter where on this planet). She said though I should move. And well, today, not having lung problems but weird vertigo kind problems (yes, I looked it up!) she mentioned this again. This is funny. Not really, but I do really want to move again. And now I need to move. Is this a sign?! Maybe. Maybe not. Now I'm confused!
I said Thank You and left her office, felt worse for about twenty minutes, went downstairs and spent 6 bucks on a Vanilla Latte at Starbucks. And yes, my lovelies...it is $6!!!! It's not a venti either, it was a tall one! The smallest size and it's that expensive. Thank you very much. I just needed something to cheer me up. No PSL available so I got my regular VL.
 It felt good. I was confused, shocked, happy, broke and drinking my VL, listening to four Americans chatting about their European trips (work wise though) and how wonderful it had been so far. Across from where I was sitting was a guy reading a book, and then I realized I had my own with me. So, what did I do?! Same thing, I started reading. I do have to admit the book is getting better...slowly but it is getting there. It distracted me a little until mom came in and asked me how my appointment went. I freaked out. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to believe. I still feel like crap, and my head is so heavy I think I'll skip Criminal Minds and go to bed now. It is 8pm.

Happy Wednesday!!!
I'm so going to rest tomorrow.

photo sources: www.weheartit.com

Wishful Wednesday - Costume


This week's topic on Kelsey's blog is

I wish...I was six years old and going trick or treating, and my costume would be....a pumpkin!

You know, it was very very very difficult to find my inner child. I know I haven't lost it, and won't lose my inner sillyness (ever!) but it wasn't easy to come up with something! I also know that coming up with "pumpkin" isn't really inventive, but I love pumpkins, and if I was six years old now I would want to be a cozy, cute, colorful and charming (girl) pumpkin! Not a princess, not a doctor, not a nurse, not a witch, not something else but a pumpkin. Please?! 


I'm sure I would have loved it, just without the make-up!!!
Oh, and I might even dye the thing pink! Crazy but why not go as a pink pumpkin?! I'm six, remember?!
My friends would probably be cute little bears, pandas, bees, pirates, or maybe even a hamburger!
Obviously I'm way too attached to the Pottery Barn Kids' website.

Have a fantabulous day!!!

October 27, 2009

Thank You Tuesday

Monday was eventful.

Not only did I get distracted (PINK!!, and the still unanswered question), I also had a spontaneous lunch meeting with a not-so-close friend. We do this maybe three to five times a year, when he's in town and working (or when I'm around, which is hardly ever). So yesterday I got a text message from him asking #1, are you in town or traveling the world? #2 if you are in town, do you have time for lunch at 11.45?!  I had to laugh. This time, I was around and had time. No work, no traveling around the world, plenty of time. Lunch was good. I did have to concentrate though on not getting dizzy or well, on not going to faint. Yes, still not better on that part. However, I managed the day. Fresh air helped a bit. Super slow movements, too. :(
Oh it's getting better now. At 5pm I even went out to some party!! Can you believe this?
Well, it was a party held every other year in the concert hall in this city. The party is for invited people only and only for those that work in the hospitality industry (if you hadn't known it before - yes, I do work in that field!). Everything is free, so if you want to get plastered it's the place to do so. If you don't, there's plenty of live entertainment, games, food, soft drinks, and strange people. The latter part is true. We've seen so many weird faces I didn't even know they work in the same field. It scared me!!!
Anyways, yes I did manage to go to that party. I had my ticket. However, I wasn't sure if my body would allow me to have fun. I mean, who wants to go to a party and is scared she might faint at some point?! I certainly don't, but for some reason I went. Why?! It's not like such an event is likely to happen again in the next month or year, and a lot can happen in two years. Plus, I am sure I would have regretted not going if I hadn't gone. So I did go. I didn't faint, though had my moments. I had those kind of moments you don't want to be in or even get close to when you are in a crowd, supposed to be having fun and eating dinner. You just don't want to get that uncontrollable feeling - in whatever form it may occur. You just don't! I did at some point and it scared the shit out of me. Pardon my tiny French there but ya know me, when I swear I do swear! ;) Anyway, I had to leave the place and hurry out close to the entrance with fresh air coming in...I immediately felt better though not entirely better. It took me about 45 minutes to feel a slight bit less scared, less sweaty and less stressed out. I went home very early! Hey, at least I went to the party...it officially ended at 4am!!! Health comes first, doesn't it?!

Now it's Tuesday...I'm doing laundry!
Even though I may feel like total crap I can't ignore this giant pile of clothes waiting to be washed. It just has to be done. So I'm doing it. Luckily, I don't have that much space to have it all hung up and dried (and no, we don't have a dryer!)...so I might not be doing all of it. Sigh.

And well...just a few more days and I officially have to say good-bye to fall...well, for me, winter starts November 1st, and ends end of February. Four months. It's just me. So, I do have to say good-bye to most of my clothes and put them away. My closet is so tiny I can't have it all in there so every time I'm home I do have to work on my closet. Up until then it's looking at cool pictures...the orange kind of pictures...

I love you fall. I love you Tuesday, and I miss you Halloween!!!!
Can't wait to have a horror movie night soon! My very own tradition to bring back home, even just for one night!!

Have an amazing day!

October 26, 2009

So Sweet

I got distracted today. A lot. Despite the lingering question and answer to that specific question.
The distraction went as far as...pink. My so-called color this month...I can't get enough of it.

...to find another color maybe? And to finally find the path I've been so desperately looking for?!

Or is it a simple necklace to brush up my "pale" look?

Or am I longing for some color in general and find it in flowers?!

I know, I should treat myself with some fun stuff!

There's nothing wrong with a little sweet distraction! ;)

Pink picture source of all: weheartit.com

Oh, not again...Monday!

So, my lovelies...good morning!

I haven't felt very productive over the weekend.
All I did was stay home, and wallow in my now-called fall misery (aka summer misery or quarter-life crisis). Aren't you sick of hearing this?! I am, for sure!!! Ok, I also felt sick and dizzy so going out was not really an option. I did however buy some amazing music on iTunes again (so I can make more fall CDs to inspire my days). And, I also baked muffins and tried to keep reading the book. No real progress there, but it's getting more and more dense which makes the book kind of weird but I'm sure there's a reason behind this.

Too much thinking was also done over the weekend. It's what I have to do...THINK. I also pre-wrote an entry I will at some point publish, but not now because I know there is more to add to what I already have. Anyway, this weekend signs were all over guiding me towards something new and big. You all know (or should by now) that I am a big city lover. A city with one million (plus) people is big to me. Anything less is just not good enough. Some may like it better when it's small and cozy I simply don't. I never did and I never will! Granted, I do love small and cozy for maybe two days, but after that...let's not go there. The signs were all over and it was kind of funny. Yes, I do believe in signs. Not all of them, and not all the time, but I do. I also think whatever is happening in our lives at this very moment is what it's supposed to be for this specific moment. It's part of our life, our pattern, our designed path. I don't believe in sticking with it and staying with whatever we have just because it is there, and I don't believe in doing things you don't like and don't want to do. What I do believe though is that whatever we are going through (the happy and the sad things) will help us some time in the future. But I do digress (see? I was thinking...I'm always thinking!!!!!, I've been thinking too much lately). What I saw, read, learned of, and remembered this whole weekend was the following :

Do you see the pattern?!
I sure do!!!
The big question lingers in my head now...the answer, too, by the way.

Don't we love Mondays!!!????

Have a marvelous start into this - the last week of October - week!


October 24, 2009

One More Week

Ok, I'm not ten anymore, nor a teenager and I know it is silly but I'm excited that my favorite "season" and holiday is in one silly week. This is what I call fall. I associate Halloween with fall, and fall without Halloween isn't fall at all. Does this make any sense?!
It is Saturday...and yes, I'm supposed to clean a little, and then continue researching (the future research) but I couldn't help but spending some time online doing farm work (even more ridiculous but apparently, friends that are way older than I am are doing it so it can't be that silly), picture-searching, and just well, blogging.

Happy Saturday everyone. Hope you have some fun plans ahead of you.

All pictures through weheartit.com.

Apparently I'm not the only one addicted to this site! ;)

October 23, 2009

Hello Mrs. Doctor

That's pretty much how I'm feeling right now.
The doctor's appointment went well.
I'm sure the girl there made sure she had half a gallon of my blood sent to the laboratory...
...I don't mind seeing blood (mine included - and no I'm not a vampire even though I can't stop watching TV shows about them...hmmm...weird), but the thought that someone is putting a needle in my precious body just gives me the creeps. I had to focus on the (new) curtains they put up.
Now all I have to do is wait and some time next week I know more.
Off I go to that little dinner party.

Have a wonderful day!

Friday...Ok then!?!

Happy Friday everyone!!!

I don't feel inspired and I don't feel anything at this very moment...I do need to go out today and have that particular test done and then we'll see what the result is. I'm not afraid or nervous...it's not routine but it sort of feels like it. Either way, distraction is needed.
I'm still reading James Frey's book and so far it's been okay. Different. Yes, I read a million little pieces and honestly I loved that book. As gross, brutal, and very realistic it may have been I loved it. It made me think twice if not more about my alcohol consumption (my mild alcohol consumption) or life in general. It made me appreciate life more, value each moment and really see the world and whatever I did or used in different ways. Plus, I read that book in about three days. I couldn't stop reading. Now with the current one...since I don't feel inspired or ready to do anything I don't feel like reading either. I read about twenty pages yesterday on the train (in about 20 minutes) and I read some more pages at home but the book seems to be stuck at the very beginning. So far it's been ok. We'll see how that goes. I do have some waiting to do today so I will definitely have it ready. ;)

In the meantime...Halloween is around the corner. I may have mentioned it before, it is not "celebrated" over here in my part of Europe. I miss it terribly!!! I just learned though that the countryside districts or whatever you wanna call it here, are doing trick-r-treating and my friend almost forgot about it. I mentioned it out of nowhere (because it is one of my favorites!!!!), and she then said "Oh, it's on the 30th? Right?" I freaked out and told her it wasn't but the day after. Then she freaked out because she won't be home that night and has babysitters (her parents-in-law). They now have to open the door and all that and they literally hate it. Poor kids in that neighborhood. I'd be actually scared of even going to that house beccause her mom-in-law already looks scary. Just kidding! ;) But I do hope she remembers that it's the 31st and not the 30th.

credit goes to www.weheartit.com and photobucket.

And now let's see if my iron is low again...and yes, I said again!!!!  :(

October 22, 2009


Things I'm looking forward to in the next couple of hours, and well days:

♥ having lunch with my aunt. Main reason is that I don't need to pay for lunch...nice. (it was nice)
♥ meeting friends tonight.
♥ having a mini dinner party at my co-worker's tomorrow (the kind one, of course).
♥ going to my doctor's. (yes, not something I'm normally looking forward to but this time I am...I need answers)
♥ the weekend maybe?!

Not a huge list but hey, I'm not complaining...it's what keeps me going.The doctor's appointment isn't a big deal. I need to have my blood checked. Ok, maybe it is a big deal but nothing serious. I've just been feeling way too dizzy lately and it doesn't feel right. I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary, nor am I jumping and moving like a crazy person so my head (or ears apparently) might get confused so I have no real idea what it is. I've had this a while ago, and it wasn't pretty. I blacked out. So, what I think I am having (again) is something familiar to me. Grrrr....

Knowing that something isn't right with your body is something I think no one likes. This is also why I've been feeling blue, not so sure of what is going on and why and all that. Then again, I always need inspiration and thought since my title today is called "blue" I better make sure blue is also seen today...

Happy Thursday everyone!

picture credit: www.weheartit.com

October 21, 2009

Wishful Wednesday - Vacation


I'm playing along with Kelsey at The Seattle Smith's for her Wishful Wednesday series.
This week's question is:

'I wish'...I was going on vacation tomorrow and would want to go...to Tokyo!

Why Tokyo?! How come not Hawaii? Or something warm, sunny and full of sand?!

Well, I have three friends living in Tokyo and I haven't seen them in years. Literally. Just thinking about this makes me want to cry. I miss them. We all went to college together and stay in contact as often as even possible even though this comes out to maybe six to ten times a year. One of them even has a little girl. She just turned four. I missed that.
Plus, well, having friends from other countries and cultures always fascinated me. I got to know the Japanese cuisine (there's a lot more to it than just sushi), language, custom, movies, fashion, etc etc. We even had our weekly visits to local Japanese markets...I loved it!
So, yes, if I could I'd be spending my vacation time in Tokyo (and maybe other cities in Japan, too, paying a visit to other friends as well). That is though if it was very spontaneous, like tomorrow, and if someone offered to pay for it! ;) Flying to the West Coast is cheaper! ;)

Until then...I keep looking at pictures...

...and I'll keep saving money. You never know when a good deal arrives and you've got time to go for what you wanted for so long. I miss you R., M. and K.!!!!!

all pictures came from www.weheartit.com

October 20, 2009

Pink #2

Apparently I still have a thing for pink...
It is distracting me...and helping me escape, even just for a little. I need that, do you?!

Have a terrific day! 

 Picture source...again at www.weheartit.com, as always. ;)

Have your cake...

A while ago, Leia on Too much to see, the world keeps turnin', put up some pretty amazing wedding cakes. Thanks girl! Not that I'm getting married any time soon but I do have to admit I love wedding cakes. I do simply love them. I might not be able to eat any of it, or even come close to one because with my luck I might trip and fall onto the cake...However, looking at cakes never hurts and well...here we go...all found on flickr.





But my favorite would be        

Have a terrific day!


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