Long time no see

I haven’t written in years. It just wasn’t me back then. I was not me to be honest. It was a version of me I no longer recognize, or even want to be. But let’s briefly recap before we all get lost…

Years ago I started blogging because I felt it was a good outlet. I met a few friends through blogging and I believe that’s really the best thing that came out of this. I still follow many bloggers from back then and love that our lives are still linked somehow, even if it’s through different outlets. Life happened though and that prompted me to stop using this. 

When grief hits you, it hits you hard. At least it hit me the hardest. My mom died in 2015. There’s life before, and there’s like after that period. That year is a major blur to me. I remember bits and pieces. I’m okay with that. It’s also the last time I fully traveled and was in Europe. Yes. That long. I’m not proud of it. There were many factors that prohibited me from traveling internationally, and while many probably thought I was avoiding Europe and friends, I wasn’t. I just couldn’t travel. Then in 2018 I was given the okay again, but then life changed once more (for the better). We moved and then I saw two red stripes on a stick I peed on.

2019 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She’s the spitfire we needed in our lives. She’s the funny clown who brings us to tears and makes our ab muscles become more defined ;) she is also so strong and so emotional all at once that I simply cannot get enough of her. 

We all know 2020 and 2021 as weird years. Years that divided the country, the world, made us question things, do things, say things, avoid things…let’s just say those years are blurry except when we finally saw people again. That is also the time I got pregnant again (after a loss), and early 2022 our second baby arrived. A boy. My forever date alongside his dad of course ;)

Life has been amazing. Hard yes, but still amazing. It hurts knowing mom won’t ever know her grand-babies. It hurts knowing I’m far away from my old home. But life is great and once we are ready we will visit family and friends overseas. I give kudos to those that travel with infants and toddlers. It is just not us. We make it to San Francisco most times (by car) and that’s about it to be honest. It’s a lot. Traveling with kids is not like traveling alone or with friends only. It’s phenomenal because you get to see places through their eyes, but it certainly isn’t the same. It’s chaotic, it’s unpredictable, more expensive (let’s be honest here), and yet it is filled with memories we will hold in our hearts forever. One day we will travel again, kind of like we used to. 

With that being all written I have to say I don’t know what I’ll do but I thought I needed to write down some thoughts. I know no one will read this and that’s ok. I just needed to empty my brain real quick, release me of all the things, make room for more and now I can move on!!! 

Xoxo

Life so far

Happy June.

It's hard to believe we are already experiencing month number six. Summer time. At least for most of us. Life has definitely had its ups and downs lately but mostly ups which I absolutely adore. We celebrated our three year engagement anniversary last weekend, visited family and friends back home, and are now just now settling back into a routine. It's hard when you return from vacation. Nothing changed really and yet, everything has.

A friend of mine asked me a few days ago how I was doing. Quite ironically I'm doing fabulous. Yes, I turned a year older a few days ago {or technically a number and a day only}, and yes the anniversary of my mom's passing was early May...but I am doing well. I feel I am very close to being the happy, full of energy, and ready-to-discover-the-world kind of girl I used to be. How do I notice that? I put make-up on, and look forward to the next day and actually get ready for the day. Crazy, huh? Don't get me wrong. I always took showers, and had clothes on {ha!} but I never felt the desire to look decent or at least awake or ready to do a thing. It was always so forced, and now, it all comes naturally. I can feel it and I am loving it!

I'm also doing so fabulously because for a good twelve months now I have been changing a lot in our household. I changed our lifestyle. One item at a time. One crazy ugly toxic product at a time. Slowly, but surely. It's not something you do in one day or in a week or in one month. It takes time. It takes patience as well. As crazy as it sounds I never thought I'd be this girl. I was happy where I was and how I was living. Yet, something in me changed two years ago. I realized I or actually we needed to change our lifestyle. I knew we weren't living our very best or our happiest and it's the absolute worst when you know you should be changing something but don't want to or don't know how exactly. It took me a while but I found my way. We are not 100% there yet, but one day will be. We are human after all and we all make mistakes or take a bit longer than anticipated to achieve a certain goal or dream. I have people I admire and feed off their energy and positive vibes. I learn from them. They inspire me to do the right thing, one step at a time.

This week I got rid of all my make-up. Yup. I tossed it all and kept what was so far most toxin free. I don't use a lot of make-up so it's not that dramatic, but still...I felt awful and yet very freed after I tossed the bad crap away!!
It's been a fun ride to say the least. It's not difficult to switch one product at a time, you just got to start somewhere. I did with hand soap. All those antibacterial soaps everyone loves {hey, I was one of them; emphasis on was} are not that great at all {you could read more on that here} and therefore I stopped buying them, did my research and started making my own hand soap. Crunchy, yes; so worth it though. My skin isn't dry or itchy anymore. Go figure. Over time I switched products, or decided to make my own. I mean, it's a start. I'm not perfect at all. I still eat junk food, a whole bag of chips in one day {if I really feel like it}, and I do drink coffee and sodas. Yet, I limit it all. I love food and I cook a lot at home. Nothing is processed, because 1) not good, 2) actually expensive and 3) not at all delicious. Cooking at home is a challenge but it's an awesome way to add healthier habits into our lifestyle. Plus, it is a fun date idea {married or not}. Tossing my make-up this week was yet another one of my new lifestyle challenge. I have tried several toxin-free products and have yet to fully sit down and determine which one I am going with. I'm picky, yet, I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Yes, life so far has been fantastic. It has had its ups and downs but lately a lot of ups and I couldn't be happier about this. Plus, it's June and June always makes my heart beat faster and happier. I love this month. I may be biased because it is my birthday month but there's something about this sixth month. It calls for a restart, a way to start over. It's six month before a new year starts. It's six months before most holidays occur. It's the middle of any year and just screams change,  and a new opportunity to start over.

xox

Missed me?

It has certainly been a while. I missed this creative place. I missed my time on this blog or other blogs. I missed reading it all. I missed sharing it all. It's been too long. So here I am, trying to gather my thoughts and work my way back into the blogging world. I have always believed writing was a perfect way to express one's feelings, one's opinions, and to literally deal with emotions and life. So why did I stop?! I needed to breathe, and I needed to find my old self back. It wasn't easy but I can feel old Selma and it feels amazing!!!

So stay tuned, and follow along on Instagram to see what this Crazy Little Girl has done lately! :)

xoxo

Life

So guys, I had to make changes with this blog of mine and it's been just awful. There, I said it. Besides trying to figure things out with family, friends, and life...sometimes it's just bleh. Let's be real here; life is hard. Add some drama to it and it gets harder. Add a new hobby to it and it may add a few sprinkles but life still remains hard. Blogging? That's a whole different story.

So here I am still trying to figure out if this space of mine is really going to continue. Yet, as you all know I have had this blog for years and believe that writing helps any situation. It is a healthy distraction; a healthy way to deal with problems, or just a healthy way to share our thoughts, our visions and our lives!

This month is a not a happy month.
It started out with a reminder that life is short. My cousin's death six years ago proved it, a blog friend's dad passing proved it, and then my mom's death proved it once more. I know I have my guardian angels watching over me. I know they keep me grounded and help me get through it all. It may take longer than I anticipated but I know this is the right way for me. Yet, besides the past unfortunate moments, this month has also thrown another curve ball towards my somewhat stable life. Another blog friend's mother-in-law died. My best friends in Europe lost their mom last year {and it still pains me when I look at photos and I still have to pinch me saying; don't ask how their mom is doing...because well, ya know}, and now my husband's grandpa is in terrible shape and it looks like he will leave us this week. I dread the daily calls my mother-in-law makes. I appreciate her and her love. I know for her, this is a way to get her sadness out and not keep it in. Yet, it all brings back my still very fresh memories of two years ago. Two years ago today I was frantically calling Europe, trying to get a hold of someone somehow to figure out where the heck my mom was, and most importantly how she was doing. My hands were shaking, my voice was trembling and the second I head my mom's voice I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I almost cried but I didn't. I wanted to sound strong for mom. I didn't know it by then, but that conversation was one of the last ones I had with her. I was able to tell her I was doing well and I was happy. I didn't know it back then but the next six weeks would be torturing her and me alike. I know these moments will always come back. I know they are part of me. I know they are meant to bring back memories and remind me that life is fragile and short. I also know I am doing okay, and that I will get through this. We all will. Yet, with B and his grandpa, the daily updates and what not...all I want to do is hide in the closet and wait it out...preferably hugging one of my cats, and listening to relaxing music.

This month is not a happy month.
YET I am determined to make it as comfortable as even possible.
I got good news after all...my driver's license got renewed and while I was freaking out over a possible written test again I didn't have to take one, I didn't have to wait in line and my husband got off today. So he's making me brunch...with bacon and eggs. If that isn't a positive way to enjoy the day then I don't know what is. So, I am ready to embrace the rest of this month...with all the emotions around me, with all the sadness floating around, and with all the funny and happy moments and texts I get to receive until April welcomes us in a few days.

Life is messy, and life is hard.
I try to keep it all together, cherish each day with new hopes and new ideas. I also try to remind myself that no matter what happens I won't be alone. I also try to blog more, because writing how I feel and what I feel is important to me. It soothes my soul. It keeps me going. Let's hope I return more often. I already feel better and more me.

xox

Happy Friday

It's been months that I joined in with Krysten, Charlotte, and Lindsay and their weekly link-up. I have always read them {yes yes!!} but needed to step back. I am back though, and while I can't guarantee how consistent, I am planning on being better than just writing once a week. A much needed break from blogging was needed. I missed blogging and the community that comes with it but I also enjoyed not using my computer more than I already needed to. I have been busy otherwise and I think that is amazing for me. :)

So, without further ado I am going to share what made me happy this week because that is what today's post is all about!!! 

1. Valentine's Day Dinner with my hubby!

2. Less rain

3. Coffee

4. Owl pajamas

5. Text messages

6. Newly painted window sills

7. A clean car

8. Stress Away Essential Oil

9. Kitty cuddles 

10. This Is Us

Life is too short to stay and be negative. Yes, there's a lot of stuff going on in the world and it is no fun. I have so much to say to this, but at the same time I want to cherish happier moments. I want to enjoy things that make me happy; share them with people I care about and want them to be as happy as they can be. It's the little things...even if it is a quote I love, I will share that beauty. Even if it is today's DMV appointment I am dreading...I will find something there that will cheer me up and make me smile!!!! :) 

Happy Friday, now go and link up!!

xox