Life so far

Happy June.

It's hard to believe we are already experiencing month number six. Summer time. At least for most of us. Life has definitely had its ups and downs lately but mostly ups which I absolutely adore. We celebrated our three year engagement anniversary last weekend, visited family and friends back home, and are now just now settling back into a routine. It's hard when you return from vacation. Nothing changed really and yet, everything has.

A friend of mine asked me a few days ago how I was doing. Quite ironically I'm doing fabulous. Yes, I turned a year older a few days ago {or technically a number and a day only}, and yes the anniversary of my mom's passing was early May...but I am doing well. I feel I am very close to being the happy, full of energy, and ready-to-discover-the-world kind of girl I used to be. How do I notice that? I put make-up on, and look forward to the next day and actually get ready for the day. Crazy, huh? Don't get me wrong. I always took showers, and had clothes on {ha!} but I never felt the desire to look decent or at least awake or ready to do a thing. It was always so forced, and now, it all comes naturally. I can feel it and I am loving it!

I'm also doing so fabulously because for a good twelve months now I have been changing a lot in our household. I changed our lifestyle. One item at a time. One crazy ugly toxic product at a time. Slowly, but surely. It's not something you do in one day or in a week or in one month. It takes time. It takes patience as well. As crazy as it sounds I never thought I'd be this girl. I was happy where I was and how I was living. Yet, something in me changed two years ago. I realized I or actually we needed to change our lifestyle. I knew we weren't living our very best or our happiest and it's the absolute worst when you know you should be changing something but don't want to or don't know how exactly. It took me a while but I found my way. We are not 100% there yet, but one day will be. We are human after all and we all make mistakes or take a bit longer than anticipated to achieve a certain goal or dream. I have people I admire and feed off their energy and positive vibes. I learn from them. They inspire me to do the right thing, one step at a time.

This week I got rid of all my make-up. Yup. I tossed it all and kept what was so far most toxin free. I don't use a lot of make-up so it's not that dramatic, but still...I felt awful and yet very freed after I tossed the bad crap away!!
It's been a fun ride to say the least. It's not difficult to switch one product at a time, you just got to start somewhere. I did with hand soap. All those antibacterial soaps everyone loves {hey, I was one of them; emphasis on was} are not that great at all {you could read more on that here} and therefore I stopped buying them, did my research and started making my own hand soap. Crunchy, yes; so worth it though. My skin isn't dry or itchy anymore. Go figure. Over time I switched products, or decided to make my own. I mean, it's a start. I'm not perfect at all. I still eat junk food, a whole bag of chips in one day {if I really feel like it}, and I do drink coffee and sodas. Yet, I limit it all. I love food and I cook a lot at home. Nothing is processed, because 1) not good, 2) actually expensive and 3) not at all delicious. Cooking at home is a challenge but it's an awesome way to add healthier habits into our lifestyle. Plus, it is a fun date idea {married or not}. Tossing my make-up this week was yet another one of my new lifestyle challenge. I have tried several toxin-free products and have yet to fully sit down and determine which one I am going with. I'm picky, yet, I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Yes, life so far has been fantastic. It has had its ups and downs but lately a lot of ups and I couldn't be happier about this. Plus, it's June and June always makes my heart beat faster and happier. I love this month. I may be biased because it is my birthday month but there's something about this sixth month. It calls for a restart, a way to start over. It's six month before a new year starts. It's six months before most holidays occur. It's the middle of any year and just screams change,  and a new opportunity to start over.

xox

Missed me?

It has certainly been a while. I missed this creative place. I missed my time on this blog or other blogs. I missed reading it all. I missed sharing it all. It's been too long. So here I am, trying to gather my thoughts and work my way back into the blogging world. I have always believed writing was a perfect way to express one's feelings, one's opinions, and to literally deal with emotions and life. So why did I stop?! I needed to breathe, and I needed to find my old self back. It wasn't easy but I can feel old Selma and it feels amazing!!!

So stay tuned, and follow along on Instagram to see what this Crazy Little Girl has done lately! :)

xoxo

Will My Story Inspire Others?!

Will my story inspire others?

I don't know.

It might, or it might not.

I hope it gives hope, inspires someone out there. I sure would hope so.

The point of life is to live it to the fullest; to live it so we feel satisfied, happy, and accomplished. Right? Or am I dreaming of the impossible?!

Now regardless how we look at this, and what we want in life, and how we want to live it this question always returns to me. It's knocking on my door asking me what will you do today to inspire others?! What will you do to make the day feel GOOD?! What will you do today to make others feel GOOD?! Will you find inspiration not only lifting you up, but also others?!

My answer is different every time but my goal always is the same. 

I want to inspire others, I want to help women feel better about themselves, I want to feel better about myself, and I want others to feel motivated, give them a feeling that they belong. Yet at the same time I always want to focus on myself because in the end my life is mine and no matter what I do or what you do, my life will be lived with me as the main person in that story so I want to make it the best show ever. I want to live my life to the fullest and best possible. I want to be the best version of myself. Every. Single. Day.

So, will my story inspire others?!
YES. Even if it is a flicker of inspiration or motivation...yes!!!

How are you working on your Wednesday today?
Are you inspiring others?!

25 Healthy Habits to a Better You

Life to me is beautiful. I seek happiness and purpose every single day. Ever since last year my eyes opened up, and I had to wake up and learn that every day is a miracle and a new start. No matter what yesterday brought, today is a new day and tomorrow is not even written yet. This is easier said or written than done. It took me quite some time to work on this. I mean, yes, wake up each morning, take a shower, get dressed regardless of what the day brings...and start living. When you're in pain, when you're seeing dark it is very difficult to even take a shower, let alone get dressed or eat properly. I have been there, and I have no shame admitting this. It is who I am. I am not perfect, and no matter how others present themselves they aren't perfect either. Everyone has some sort of a battle to fight, and I had to fight mine. Part of me isn't entirely done with this battle and that is okay. Life is a process and we are always in progress. 

When you start looking at the entire picture and look for happiness and a way to better yourself, you start making lists. You create lists that help you focus, and work towards a great life. I came up with a list of 25 habits to work on right now to become a better person; to find that happy spark again. This list works for most people. There are more possible steps to improve oneself and live a healthier and happier life but this is for another time. Start slow, and stay determined to find a happier, healthier you over time. Each habit is important and has helped me tremendously.

1. Start each day fresh {take a shower!!!}

2. Drink {infused} water instead of soda or sweetened anything

3. Listen to you body

4. Wash your hands often

5. Don't drink and then drive; even if you only had a glass

6. Say NO when you mean NO

7. Protect yourself from the sun

8. Exercise daily {even if it is 5 to 10 minutes a day, or even if it is stretching only}

9. Don't jump to conclusions

10. Find a way to get inspired again {music, literature, art, film, crafting}

11. Create a weekly meal plan and cook at home

12. Do not compare yourself to others; ever!

13. Find a hobby

14. Put your phone away when you're with friends/family

15. Eat more fruits and vegetables

16. Sleep at least 7.5 hours every day {it's doable, believe me}

17. Explore nearby towns and cities you hardly know but should know

18. Choose quality over quantity

19. Pamper yourself

20. Get tickets for a concert, a comedy show or a ballet

21. Have daily quiet time {30 minutes is enough}

22. Sing or dance along to songs

23. Eat your favorite dessert once a month

24. Save money {spare coins, 1/3 of your monthly income, etc}

25. Be patient

Now wait a minute, how can saving money, exploring cities or putting your phone away be helpful in finding your happiness?! You focus on the now, and you focus on you. Saving money helps with creating a great future, or helps you out in the future when you need extra money. Exploring cities broadens your horizon and gives you a chance to expand your knowledge and leave your bubble {oh so important}. Focusing on people around you, on the right now, all while you're putting your phone away you can actually create friendships, learn from others, discuss life, and make connections that may or may not come in handy some day. It's the little things. Things that don't make sense on this list are probably exactly what you need to work on yourself. Feeling a bit impatient these days?! Sit back, think, and let it all be. Stressing over things, waiting impatiently for something to happen isn't always the best. Let timing be your friend. I learned this the hard way. I wanted to get back into the working field by October 1 last year. Hmmmm...it didn't work, and quite frankly it hadn't fully worked out this way for a few months after that. I grew impatient, I grew angry. I blamed others, I blamed me. I took time off from everything, and learned that impatience brings pain and unhealthy habits. I felt sick, and I had to sit back, relax and focus on me. Patience, over time, helped me to accept the season I was in, and accept that it wasn't my time to go back to work, and it made me realize I needed to work on myself before I could even get out into the real world!

This list has helped me tremendously, and I am still working on becoming a better version of myself. I want to create memories, and a fantastic life {it's never too late to start thinking this way} and by feeling stuck, by feeling I am not enough or by feeling bored and uninspired I cannot and will not create memories or a fantastic life. Healthy habits, when exercised daily, will guide and help you find a way to feel better about yourself and life!! They certainly have helped me. 

Here's to a happy rest of of this week, and a healthy weekend!!!!

xox

Five Risks When Using Essential Oils

I have personally used essential oils for months {almost one full year} and researched them for years. I always knew they were special but their true power was unknown to me. Some of my friends and family think I'm nuts having decided to use essential oils for my occasional pains and aches. I, however, feel it's a step forward towards a better me and a healthier lifestyle. These oils aren't only to add special scents to any room. Sure, they do that too but essentially {pun intended} we use them because of their therapeutic grade and power. Who would have thought we would end up using essential oils every single day?! I certainly wasn't.

Now, you can read pretty much anywhere on the internet about essential oils. Different brands, different ways. I chose the company that works for me, and the one I know I can trust. People have asked me how it is possible for me to you use these on my myself and my family when I don't even know their "so-called power"?! All I say is then how can you use OTC or easily prescribed drugs without knowing what's truly in them {and being able to pronounce it all correctly!}? Why are people skeptical when it comes to something natural but jump for the first chemical pain killer or what not in a supermarket?! Hmmm... Regardless of all that, I love my oils. 

Yet, with everything you purchase, not matter the product, there is always a risk involved. Always. And here are five risks when using essential oils:

1. You will feel and notice your family being happier and healthier

Oh yes. It's annoying to get sick or feel the onset of a sore throat. We have all been there. Well, believe it or not we are not popping pills for this anymore {or praying for a miracle}. We rub a couple of oils on our throats a few times a day. Instant and long lasting relief.

2. You will have more energy

You won't be running around places on super speed. Sorry. I wish. However, you will have natural energy. No more sugary bubbly grossness and aftertaste {oh the aftertaste} whose contents we can't pronounce. Why were we drinking those energy drinks before?! I seriously don't know. Convenience, I'm sure.  My stomach always hated me afterwards. Now I have essential oils helping me stay more alert, supporting my overall well being, and acting as a great booster when my body and mind go into this dreaded afternoon slump.

3. Your home will smell better

Yes. I mentioned it before. And yes, it's true. Your home will smell better. Also, we had people over that are allergic to cats and thanks to what I diffused they didn't feel a thing. Also, I'm allergic to cats {not dramatically but I am} and anything else that may cause me to sneeze, get red eyes, and itchy moments all the time...and since I'm diffusing my lovely oils I don't get it any longer and I am oh so happy. So be aware...your home will smell and feel better without doing much.

4. People want to talk to you and ask you questions

People will eventually ask. I have been there. I started researching first, but then I asked. You want to know what may help for a headache other than popping Tylenol or Aspirin or what not. Why? Well, because just like me, you may be fed up with how those other meds make your stomach or body feel. You may not want to pop a pill any longer either...so the questions, yes, they will come!

5. You will notice that you want all of the oils

When I started using essential oils I had specific reasons and aches. I needed something to help cope with my mother's loss, the heavily felt fatigue I felt thanks to that grieving process, and the constant aches and pains that occurred while I was letting myself accept that I had lost one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. Doctors didn't know what to do with me. Ha. Go home and rest up. That's what I heard way too many times. Sure, yes, doc I will. Yet, this can't go on like this. Oh yeah, take a pain killer pill, it'll do its job was another suggestion by one of my docs. Okay then. I was jet lagged, frustrated and blahed out. So, I chose to go for what I thought could only make it all worse. Well, like everything in life we take to make ourselves feel better {pains, thoughts, what not} essential oils don't work right away they take their sweet powerful time...so I thought yes, sure I'll purchase a kit and see how it goes. It went so well I had to reorder and then I needed something else because I heard great things about it that may help my super anxiety. After that I needed something else to help me with my digestion and energy...the list went on and YES, I want them all. I really do. Do I have the money at this given moment? Nope. So I won't get them all...but I can tell you this much...my stash is growing and we aren't ashamed of it one bit. Best decision ever made. 

Oh I am sure there are more risks involved. After all, whatever we purchase in life involves some sort of a risk. We buy a new car, new house, clothes, pet, bed, kitchen utensil, OTC meds, and yes, even hair products; there is always a risk involved. That risk is different for everyone but it's there. Same goes with essential oils...they won't attack you, but it may just be that you will want to attack them because you feel and see a huge difference in your life and energy. Best part? Our daily caffeine and soda intake has dramatically decreased which makes us spend less money when we go grocery shopping. Oh, and I don't think we have bought any new over the counter meds in the past ten months...I know we have saved a ton there too...so you might as well, add this to the sixth risk factor. You will save money over time!! Now that, yes, that, is very scary!!! 

Hope you're day is going well. I felt I needed to share my love for these powerful oils with my readers. I'm okay if you think I'm a hippie. I have experienced tremendous success using them and I am so glad I chose to try them out. So, I'm not sorry for posting this today! :)
I have so much to do today...but it's all good, best part? My chiropractor appointment this afternoon. I'm so excited to get adjusted I can't even describe it. Yay.

Have an amazing day!

xox

5 Night Routines for a Healthy Relationship

There are tons of books out there talking about how to fix a relationship, how to live better, how to behave better, how to act, and how not to act. Honestly, I never touched one. I believe in the written word and I am sure that all these books help in some way and show a way to improve or enjoy a happier relationship especially when the relationship is not going so well. There is a book for pretty much anything and everything. What inspires me though is to find out how to make the already happy and well functioning relationship work even better. Why look for help or suggestions when something is crumbling, about to shatter into millions of pieces? You can call it prevention...I call it inspiration. Bring the better you out and live it so it is felt and shown in any relationship. Here are my five tips to add to your night routine when in a relationship...

1. Never ever go to bed angry or mad. Not worth it. It will kill your sleep. Seriously, think about it. When you go to bed angry you are stressed and stress doesn't necessarily lead to sleep. You won't be able to fall asleep as fast or rest as much as you would like to. You may sleep but how peaceful will that sleep be when you are angry at your partner? You wake up groggy and your day is off to a bad start.
2. Prepare for the next day. Now this sounds like it doesn't belong here but look at it this way...when you prepare for the next day you not only lay out clothes, shoes and get your bag{s} ready, you also prepare for the future. You look ahead. You plan. You look forward to the next day {or not, depending on what you're up to}. Yet, the more you prepare for the next day the easier your morning will be...and the smoother your night's rest will feel as well.
3. Put all electronics away {phones, tablets, laptops}. It's a distraction. If you really want to check with social media, emails or games before you go to bed schedule a specific time for it. Let's say you go to bed at 10.30, make 9.30 to 9.45 the time to check for all of that and then make those bad boys go away! No need to lay in bed next to your partner and not engaging with your partner, which brings me to the next tip:
4. Connect. Talk, play games, massage, tickle, be intimate in any kind of form you would like. Being intimate does not mean you have to have sex, remember that. Connect with your partner. We talk a lot in bed. We go over the day, what went right what went wrong. What the next day looks like or the next week.  All that while he is massaging that knot on my muscle away. This gives us a chance to re-connect, to get everything out of the way and clear our heads so we don't go to bed angry {see tip #1}.
5. Always kiss good-night and say good-night. It's that simple. We made a rule that we would always do this no matter what. It makes sense and brings harmony. It's also a nice way to end any day and know that you are not alone and loved. It is part of my fourth tip, but brings this nightly routine to an end. 

These are my night routines for my healthy relationship with my man. There are many more tips out there on what to do before you go to bed. Yes, shower, brush teeth, remove make-up, stretch, read, play with pets, put lotion on, or what not. All those are important, too. Today I wanted to solely focus on five simple yet effective ways to end a day and get a hopefully good night's rest. You may think, wait a minute...what if you have children? What is that nightly routine going to look like then because it is quite likely to happen that both sides will be exhausted and won't have time for a good-night kiss...

...well, then my lovely readers...then I don't know. Is a kiss really that hard to manage?

xox

How to add Happiness to your Life

Life is tough. Don't roll your eyes. Yes, it is. We don't always acknowledge the fact that we do so much during one whole day, one full week, heck one long month. We have to pay bills, buy groceries, clean, organize, schedule appointments, get things fixed, work, work out, talk, meet up, share, and spend time with family and friends. The list is endless. Plus this list does not include emergency situations; you know those you will never be fully prepared for. Life is tough.
At the same time it is also beautiful. To make it more beautiful, to make it happy even during the darkest times it is time to remind ourselves that even though life is tough and sad and busy there is always something to brighten our day. We need to add daily happiness to our lives! 

My five favorite things to flavor up my daily life, my crazy little world {see what I did, just now?}, will not be your things to add happiness to your life, yet, they will give you ideas what could bring happiness to your busy, tough or even sad life. Don't get me wrong, I don't fully think your life is lame and if it did, then MY life is just as lame. We all need that extra thing/item/moment/color adding a happy moment to our {dull} life. ;) 

My kitties. Yes, I admit it. I love my fur babies. They give me so much joy it is unfathomable. Whenever I feel down {and this happens very often} all I have to do is look at, snuggle and play with them. They know no fear, are curious, love to cuddle and crack me up when they make their hungry noises. Plus, this pictured little nugget chirps. She does this when she's happy, when she plays, and when she's looking for either me or her sister. Loving it. So much cuteness and so much happiness added to my life.

Sunsets. It's harder to catch them where I'm living at now so I miss them a lot. Yet, when I do catch them I grab my phone and take as many photos as possible. The photos never show the sunset's pure beauty but they come somewhat close. Plus, hello, am I the only one loving palm trees? It's a double happiness factor...palm tress and sunsets!

Coffee. Do I say more? Probably. I know some people don't like coffee and I am perfectly okay with that. My best friend doesn't drink coffee, she drinks tea instead. I don't like coffee for its caffeine though. I drink it because its warm, flavorful scent makes me feel secured. No matter what mood I am in a simple sip of a milk coffee {or a latte as many call it} adds pure happiness to my day; any day. During cold winter times it is even more important for me to get my cup; either with a flavor or without. If I don't get my coffee I can be pleased with a cup of peppermint tea, or a chai latte. Yet, really, nothing comes as close as a hazelnut or vanilla flavored black coffee. Yum.

Anything home related. Crate and Barrel? Yes please. West Elm? Yes. Pottery Barn? Yes yes! IKEA? Sure. Target? Of course. Z Gallery? Absolutely. Not saying I have all the money for it. I probably won't even purchase an item but browsing through these stores brings joy to me. I get inspired by pastel colored anything, by cute decor, mirrors, and glasses. Want to make me smile, bring me to one of these stores and it'll work like magic.

Pinterest & Instagram. Quotes, photos, recipes, decor ideas, and inspirations. I get it all from these two sites. I am also slightly OCD and want to put everything in a folder. Pinterest helps me do that. Instagram makes me simply happy. Their filters are awesome but I usually prefer to add no filter at all. After all it's called Instagram; a combination of instant and I would guess telegram {you know, where mankind used to send info/updates/letters}. You update your friends, family and strangers with a photo. No matter what mood I am in, these two sites and apps add happiness to my life.

I know my five things to add happiness to my life are lame but hey, it's a start. I don't get to see sunsets often, but when I do I am a happy girl. My kitties drive me nuts at times but they still make me laugh out loud when they play with one another or fail to jump right. Also, I am a homebody. I want my home to reflect my feelings, my life, my style so anything related to home shopping makes me incredibly happy.

What are a few things that make your life happy?
What kind of happiness do you add to you life?
Do we have anything in common?

xox

last two images via 4 | 5 

Coffee first, then a HomeGoods run

When you move thousands of miles and move into a new place you always need to work on making that new place feel like home. When we moved I was going through a horrible time. I was pretty much cleaning out a home and filling boxes in Europe while my folks here in California were opening up boxes and moving furniture around. I put all my faith into them that everything worked out beautifully, without any back ache and sore muscles. Everything went well. However, when you leave your guy alone for so long {yes, unwillingly} and regularly send boxes home you come home to a mess. 

Last week and this week I have opened up thirteen boxes {the last one has yet to arrive}, organized the kitchen {I pretty much switched everything around, including the fridge}, the bathroom, linen closet, laundry corner, bedroom, and closet. The living room didn't need much. However, it still needs to have some life added to it. It is sooooo boring.

So my current work is to make my new home feel more like home. Home may be where the heart is as yesterday's post talked about...but it also needs to look and feel like home. 

This is my update so far: 

* I need YOUR help and ideas

The kitchen needs a clock. A colorful one, I want to have fun while cooking.

The bathroom has gotten a touch of turquoise/teal color added; two to three items are still missing. 

*The dining area has a real table and chairs!! YAY. Something is missing though; a picture? Letters?

The entrance is complete. Maybe a cute tray to put keys on is needed?! Hmmmm...

The living room needs a rug, and new pillows!

The bedroom needs a cozy corner and a mirror.

*The closet is almost complete. It needs a better shoe rack {why do I have so many shoes?}, and a place to put my purses. I also need a better jewelry box; mine is too small now. I inherited some cute things from my mom. Vintage all the way. Yay.  

The balcony is complete. MIL brought us plants and we love them.

*The outdoor entrance...should or shouldn't I decorate it? Ideas? Come Halloween I will add a pumpkin or two.

I need a strong coffee first and then hit up HomeGoods and other places...

...wish me luck and don't forget to give me any ideas. I'm a hands-on kind of girl...I must touch the material first before I purchase it. Weird I know. I would have better chances ordering online I am sure.

xoxo

images via here / here / here / here

Home is Where the Heart is

This summer started off by being shocking, draining, and just downright sad. I have come to terms with what happened. Not saying I am over it or not grieving anymore. However, there is nothing left in me that denies what happened or fights the idea of what happened. Life happens. I have to remind myself every day that everyone fights some sort of a battle; whether it is an illness, the loss of something or someone, a broken home, or just a really really bad day. I am not alone. We are all in this together but we walk our own walk and fight our own fight - with or without the help of friends or family. 

When I went home this year I never imagined to go through what I had to go through. Granted I knew this day would come but didn't expect it to arrive this early and suddenly. Either way, I am proud of how I handled it and how I tried to make myself smile and enjoy my hometown for a while. I realized that home to me is not merely where I grew up or where I feel safest. It's a combination of many things including safety, happiness, memories, a place that allows me to be me, and a place that allows me to grow in all directions. Home is certainly also where the heart is. 

So where is my heart?

It is definitely in Northern California, in Southern California, in Istanbul, and in Luzern. Each one of these area offers another definition to what I call home. Luzern is my hometown. I was born and raised there. I have friends there. I have memories there. I will return to visit. Istanbul is home to me as well. I have family and friends there. I have memories there. I can be me, and this city allows me to grow and be astonished every year I return to it. Southern California is home to be because I felt happiest there while in the US. It allowed me to be me and grow. I feel safe there and have memories there as well, even though nothing beats Europe. Northern California. Who knew I would return after I left it 15 years ago? NorCal and I have a special bond. I am beginning to like it again, and make memories with my favorite person. It allows me to be me but so far I have yet to find that new me. Time will tell. Sunsets, too.

In short...my home is where I am physically - right now. However, my mental state still lingers in other places. I know this will change, I just don't know when. You'd think it is only in Northern California since we chose to move and live here, yet, I don't know...it is not yet home home.

Where is your home?
Is it where you currently live, or where you grew up?
Or it is somewhere else?

Your Journey Happens for a Reason

Happy Monday everyone!!

How was your weekend?
Mine? Well, as usual I tried to spend it as casually as possible. I stayed home most of the time, watched a ton of girlie movies, drank a lot of water and tea, ate bounty {chocolate covered coconut bars - and if you know me long enough you know I don't like chocolate but bounty? YES please}, and just enjoyed hanging out in my jammies. That is how I roll these days. Not too shabby.

Also, I had the privilege to enjoy a sunny Sunday afternoon...we drove around for over one hour in hopes to find a nice place to park and walk around and guess what? It wasn't possible. So we ended up going back to my friend's place and ate dessert in a restaurant nearby. It was a great afternoon, but one that exhausted us. My friend's newborn girl however was the champ...no crying, no complaining, just constant sleeping and funny facial expressions. Gotta love babies. 

And...I woke up to an email my FIL wrote to me. He has daughter hugs withdrawals and wishes I was there. Totally made my morning. I will fly home in three weeks folks. Three weeks...cannot wait. I have been away for too long...but what can I say?! Mom wanted me to stay a little longer and she got her wish...I just have to let go of her and our memories for right now, just as much as she let go of me years ago when I decided to move to the US. I have family there now, and I want to be happy there. I will always love my hometown and I will always return, even to visit mom and bring her her favorite flowers but I have to move on and live the life I was meant to live. So knowing my family awaits me and will be there to support me once arrived means the world to me. I am sad but I am hopeful because I have a great support system behind me, and those doggies?! Yes, those doggies will kiss me like they haven't kissed me before {sounds gross now, just re-reading it}. 

I am counting down the days I am going back home embracing my favorite person, hugging everyone, and moving forward. This journey happened for a reason and it is okay. It's part of my life and it will only make me stronger!!!!

Have a fabulous day. Send me some happy vibes though...I always need them.

xoxo

image via here

Five Steps to Help One Recover

Seven full weeks have past. Seven! I cannot believe it. Where did the time go? Really. I have been away from currently very hot Northern California for eight weeks; that is also terrible. But, it has been seven full weeks. What is worst about these seven weeks is that I have not been able to fully grief, to mourn, to let go of my feelings, the pain, the sorrow, the everything I feel that makes me miss my mom ever so dearly. I have let go of some. I had to. Though this is a process, and if you have lost anyone close in your life, anyone dear in your precious life, you know that this is a process that will take months, if not years. This is not something you just shake off as Taylor Swift would say. This is something you have to deal with, you have to face each day, each second even, just to get by.  This is a process no one wants to go through but at some point in life kind of has to.

There's people who can deal with this long period of grief in a very simply, easy way. They don't technically shake it off but they do recover quite easily, and do not seem to feel much sorrow or pain. They do, but their way to get over that huge hole of darkness is less complicated, less sad, less everything. Then, there's people who have to deal with this grief differently. There's a black hole that looks too big to jump over, but also looks like it is slowly closing up to make room for a new path in life. I believe I am somewhere in between these two people. My aunt for example seems to be okay with whatever happened. Granted, she is healing differently, she is dealing differently. She has lost her husband, my beloved uncle, many months ago and yet it is still fresh. She has lost her grandchild way too early as well. She seems to have it all figured out. I, on the other hand, know that I must deal with the sudden loss of my mom differently. I have not lost my love for life, but I have lost purpose at the moment. I freaked out. I got burned out. I had no time to grief. It has been seven weeks but holy mother of whatever, I cleaned everything out, I organized everything, and figured it all out and had literally no time to sit down and accept what really happened. It came to me last week. My chest still hurts. My left side still hurts. My doctor said I am stressed, exhausted, and just in pain because I have lost a parent; and in my case it is in a way two parents since mom was mother and father at the same time. I have learned to let go of my feelings. When my chest hurts I start to cry and poof...the pain is gone. Just like that. I take hot showers {no bathtub where I am currently staying} and poof the pain is gone. I cry a lot. I watch a lot of TV or movies {thank you Netflix for working in Europe}, and I just try to go out as often as possible...not to get stuck in a room or apartment for too long. This gets really depressing, really.

So, the best five things I learned over the past two weeks that help me recover from my loss are the following:

1) LOTS of rest and fluids {herbal teas, and water, and maybe some coke}

2) Lots of fresh air, even if it is just a walk around the corner and back into bed...fresh air is crucial.

3) Crying. It is okay to cry. It is normal. No one looks pretty when crying so no worries there. Crying helps ease the pain, and let go of trapped emotions - and I have many trapped emotions.

4) Talking about it. It is not easy to talk about it here in Switzerland so I am going to talk about my loss once I am back in California. My in-laws are helping me find a place to go to. I learned that it is best for me to talk about it to someone or a group of neutrals. Friends here are helpful, family too. But when you talk to someone who didn't know mom, is fully new to the story...that is sometimes even more helpful. I even talked to my doctor here. She may just be my regular doc but telling her already helped tremendously. Oh, and writing about it helps, too.

5) Look forward to the future. I mean, as much as it hurts to look back and see photos of mom or hear someone talk about her...and as much as I want her here with me, she won't be with me physically. She will be next to me in spirit I know that and I feel it but I have to let go of the what if's, and look ahead. The future is bright. The future is mine. I have a wedding to attend. I bought a brilliant dress, and I am ready to celebrate my cousin's big day!!!! I have a husband to return to, a new place to finally enjoy living in, and a future as bright as even possible.

These five things are so easy, so ordinary. It's usually the simply things that make the most sense. It's like when tiny, little things enrich our lives even more than the bigger, more expensive items do. Simplicity is key. And patience. 

As much as I want to sleep for the next three weeks I know I cannot. I will sleep in longer and go to bed earlier but I will not let mom take over my life and make it sad. I am a happy girl. I deserve happy moments. I deserve sunny days, and walks along the lake. I deserve a chest that will not hurt any more. I deserve cry-less days. I deserve happiness away from my hometown. I deserve to return to my favorite person and spend the rest of our lives together. I deserve a new bag once I return, I deserve doggie kisses, I deserve the smell of a new baby {my best friend just got her second this week}, I deserve pure, unaltered, ridiculous happiness...in any way possible. I want it all. I need it all.

So I am letting go of this heavy heavy burden and pain in my heart and chest. I am letting go of those what if's because they do not exist anymore. I am letting go of the thought mom would call. I am letting go of whatever there is I must let go of to fully be able to live my life the only way I know how and want to. I am letting go of her. I am letting go of negativity. 

I am embracing today...a day I am channeling an easier way to get over that black hole and making it close up faster. I know it won't happen in a day but there's hope. One step at a time. I know I can. Thanks to writing it out it already helps a bit...a bit is better than nothing at all. No?

YES. I am using those five steps to recover...slowly but eventually I will be there.

So excuse me, I am going for a walk right now...and I will listen to cheesy but fun music...distraction is also key, not just patience and simplicity.

xoxo

image via here and here and here

June Life

My lovelies,

it has been too long. It feels like forever and in a way it has been forever. I am doing well considering what I have been going through. It is funny to think of my current situation. I wanted to visit mom and make sure she is well taken care of, and then return to California after ten days. My ten days now have become probably six weeks, and I will stay even longer but there's light at the end of this long and dark tunnel. I can see it. I am managing, and I am handling it all well. Mom's apartment will be emptied June 30, most of her stuff is gone, given away, donated, or by next week will be tossed forever. I kept a lot, and sent a lot away. The post office definitely loves me. I should get a customer of the month trophy. Also, knowing friends and family took items to remember her by, and to enjoy a carpet or two or a TV or a huge wooden table or books...it means a lot.

Worst part of my entire month was to write her eulogy. I will not be speaking at her funeral. I have a speaker do that difficult task. Yet, I will have family come from Turkey and the US and they will not understand Swiss-German. So, I decided instead of having it all spoken in English all over again I will have it all written out on a paper for those who do not understand my first language. Mom thought, dreamed, and even spoke 99% Swiss-German, so why on earth would I have the service in regular German or any other language? Plus, who wants to lengthen a sad memorial service anyways...we know it hurts, we know it is sad, and we know it sucks...to have it repeated twice is redundant. 

Other than this lengthy process and quite frankly, discrimination against the ones who are left behind (there is so much paperwork to be dealt with it is insane and just morbid...come on, let me mourn, let me enjoy life and go on with it and not feel stuck in my hometown...I want to enjoy it, and I want to love it and look back to the summer I lost my mom, but the summer I also learned to live again without her), I am doing well. I have to remind myself that life goes on. It has to. Mom would have wanted it that way. I mean, let's be frank here, we all know the time will come when we have to say good-bye to our parents, our friends, our relatives...we just try to ignore this very open fact.

I am doing well. Yes, I have said this three time already...but I am. Okay, yes, I have my moments and I know those moments will repeat themselves...especially when I am back in California surrounded by my in-laws and hubby, all trying to help me out and stuff. I will be more than just grateful for their help (and they have been helpful ever since). Yet, I know, I will have good days, and I will have terrible days. 

The good days I know will be in July...early July I will be flying to Istanbul to see my entire relatives again. It will be a family reunion after many many years. It has been years that we were all together in one place...usually always one part was missing...either my uncle from the US with his clan, or my Turkish cousins were doing a year abroad or something. This time we all will be together. Just mom will be missing but I will honor her that whole time and make sure we will remember her. Also, the main reason I am going is my cousin's wedding. What better thing to do than celebrate life and love by attending your cousin's special day? We have always been close so it will be just an awesome celebration. Also, she is coming to mom's memorial service...if she can come for a few days to my place, then I can come for a few days to her place.

Also, I am trying to have most things settled and handled this month so I can fly back home to California in July. Please send me some happy, healthy, and speedy thoughts and vibes over. I need them more than ever. I am almost done here. I miss California. I miss my favorite person, and I miss my life there. Sounds weird but I chose to live there and be there so it is time to do this exact thing. I really do not want to stay here any longer than I have to. I am so exhausted and so ready to leave...so send me some good vibes please. Thank you!!!

One day I will catch up...promised!

xoxo

images via {I don't remember} and here

Do Not Take It Personal

Today, my lovely friend Marjan is guest posting. Not only were we roommates for a while, I consider her a sister, a best friend, someone I can talk to without sugarcoating a thing. I am so glad she is in my life, even now with a huge distance between us. I cannot wait to see her and her family again once I am reunited with California, my favorite person, and just regular life as usual.

Have fun my lovelies. Miss you all, but I promise to be back. Things are looking good and I know I can do this and soon saying see-you to my hometown again. As much as I missed it, I miss my new home more. :D

*****

When Selma asked me to write a guest post for her, I asked, “but what should I write about?”

Her response was: “How Mary Kay changed your life!”

It is amazing how one doesn’t realize the change in themselves unless they reflect on their past which not many people do often.

I told myself that she must see a change that I don’t. So, I decided to write about how my life has changed since I became a Mary Kay Cosmetics Independent Consultant about a year and a half ago. Keep in mind, Selma and I have been roomies for a while and she knows me really well.

One of the very first things I learned at my weekly classes at our Mary Kay Studio Pink was that I should never take anything personally, and that I should hang out with people I want to become like. The latter, I had always heard of and tried to do, but to not take anything personal??!??? I decided to be faithful in the Mary Kay process and follow the advice she had passed along to generations that came after her. I figured, if it didn’t hurt me then there was nothing to lose. 

A half year later, I stopped taking the way other people act and react towards me personally. Today, I can say that I am a more understanding person, because I don’t take the time to think about why people may dislike me. Instead, I realize that people do and say inappropriate things because of their own insecurities, hurts and pains and with no intention of hurting anyone...they simply don’t know any better. Key word is intention.

I have learned to be on purpose in my life. Meaning, I am not just going to say "hi" and "how are you" as a courtesy. When I say "hi"and "how are you", I WILL listen to how you really are doing! I WANT to know! Why else ask someone how they are doing or how their day is going? Although, I will mention that it is definitely not easy to not take things personally. After all, why would a server at a restaurant who does not know me, not be nice to me just because they are having a bad day? But I will say this: when you are surrounded by amazing mentors and Mary Kay Directors, it becomes a lifestyle as you watch them live what they teach us at every meeting.

Right when I was asked to join Mary Kay, I did my research online and saw many, many, many negative reviews. So I decided to take my time and go to a few meetings and check things out for myself before becoming an Independent Consultant. When I saw that these Directors take time to help not only their own but other consultants as well, I was sold. When you work with leaders that are willing to help you achieve your goal with NO benefit for them, THAT is who you want to be surrounded by!

In addition, I have learned to be a better listener and understand that everyone is different! Both of which have helped in having better relationships with God, myself, my husband, my brother, my friends and my in-laws. Mary Kay has drawn me closer to my mom and I love her more than ever now that I understand HER!

I hope this helps you! I can go on forever with examples, but I do not want to bore you or take over Selma’s blog. LOL! I will start posting more on my blog and hope to see you there!

Marjan

What If...

A few days ago, Daman from Here I Scribble shared what she thought her life would look like had things been different. This got me thinking about my "what ifs". I try to stay away from looking back on life and wondering what life would be like if I had done something differently, if I had picked a different route. Yet, it still made me think, and today I am sharing it with you. 

What if I had not chosen the high school I went to?

I would have probably started working at 16/17, and probably ended up with the wrong crowd. I would have not had the travel opportunities and would be miserable with my life thinking I should have gone to the high school my mom suggested. Also, I would not have my best friend in my life.

What if I had not gone to San Francisco after high school?

I would not have traveled and experienced as much, probably would have never gone to the US in general, and would be very one-sided in my culinary and cultural adventures. Coming from an international family, I would have been the black sheep not allowing myself to grow.

What if I stayed at my old job and never went back to college?

I would probably still be working at the same job, being miserable. I might have changed the company but would be doing the same old, same old. It would be draining, and my social life {not to mention love life} would be non-existent. Yes, I would be close to my mom right now, have plenty of money and time to travel and buy what I wanted but it would not be fulfilling. 

What if my educational route in the US had worked out as planned?

I would be studying right now instead of writing this blog post. I would be happy knowing I'd be working on my dream. I would be reading, writing, over analyzing, and going slightly insane. I would be still in the Sacramento area {not Orange County} living with my favorite person, but things between the two of us would be different and we would hardly see each other.

What if I had different genes?

I would have had a different name, a different upbringing, and I would not have probably ended up where I am today. I would not be able to call three different countries my homes and my favorite places in the world. 

What If I had said no?

Things would have been ugly. I would be working somewhere in California. I also would be packing things up to move back to Europe, being more lonely and less loved feeling I just failed my entire life yet again. I would dread going back because nothing ever works out in my life.

There is a reason I avoid thinking about my "what ifs". We cannot go back and change our choices. Even if, we would still wonder and create a totally different list of "what ifs". We would always find a way to question and second guess our life. Yet, this very moment is our life. This is what we have or don't have. Our life is now, whether it is good or bad or a mixture of both. I am embracing my current life and trying to make the best of it; after all, we only have this one to cherish and love to the fullest. 

What are your what ifs?

Quick hello and an Update

Happy Monday!

Please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers as she is still recovering in the hospital. The initial plans we all thought would be her being moved to another facility to fully recover got postponed twice in the last week. She had a minor surgery on Friday night due to a scar either opening up or not healing the way it was supposed to, or who knows. All I know is she had surgery. Again. I don't care why. Drives me nuts. She sounded well on Saturday when I talked to her, just felt uncomfortable holding the phone so I didn't get to talk to her too long. At least I got to talk to her, right?

Other than that...we have been packing, and packing, and packing. Crazy how time flies. I couldn't even go online for the past four days to write a proper post. Or connect with other bloggers as much as I used to. Packing and organizing all kinds of stuff for the move can be so time consuming but will be worth in the end. :)

By the way, thank you so much for all the tips about our upcoming move. They all helped a lot. We have four bags full of clothing items we will donate this week, have gotten rid of other stuff we simply don't need, and heck, it all looks spectacular. Plus, I try to breathe and not take it all too seriously. And yes, boxes are packed up in regards to each room...our kitchen has the most stuff...haha, who would have thought.

Two full weeks left until I want to be ready to sit back for a few days until the big move day. Time really flies. Holy cow.

 

6 Easy First Steps to Conserve Water

California has a water issue. We have heard it, we have seen it, and when you live here with open eyes and ears you also live it. I hear the word DROUGHT every single day.

Years ago I shared my thoughts on how to live a greener life. I have to say I pretty much still live by everything I said back then. Now, with this constant water problem we are faced with each day I thought it was time to share a few easy steps to conserve water. It's the little things we do in life. It's a start. It is so easy, and will not interfere with any of our schedules. Promise.

1. While brushing teeth, turn off the water. Water doesn't need to run. You are not brushing your teeth standing under that water, or are you?
2. If you wash dishes by hand don't let the water run either. Plus if you have two sinks, have one sink fill with wash water, and the other with rinse water. I only wet my sponge, put soap on it and start soaping up my dishes. The ones with the most {heavy} stains get soaked with soap. I only have one sink, so I only use it for rinsing purposes. 
3. If you wash your dishes in a dishwasher, don't pre-wash. Most of us have newer dishwashers anyways. No need to pre-wash your dishes. Also, no extra rinsing. It's a waste of water and frankly, also time.
4. Turn off water while you shampoo/condition your hair, shave, and lather your body. No need to keep it running.  I always have to turn around to shave my legs so the water doesn't hit my face or in that case legs. There's really no need for water to fall onto no one. If your shower is like mine and gets super cold quick, find another solution. I got used to it to have a bit of a colder splash once I turn it back up. Also, I shampoo massage my hair faster than I used to. My hair still gets clean.
5. Collect water in a bin/basket when you rinse fruits/veggies. Use that water for your house plants and flowers. Same goes when you warm up your shower. Extra water can go in a clean bucket, and then can be used for plants and flowers.
6. Run your washer only when full. Is it really necessary to run it with four shirts in it? I don't think so. Just wait.
7. Set a timer when you take a shower. Five minutes is usually all you need. Plus, remember, you turn off the water anyways. 

I am aware that these are seven steps. Consider the last one to be a bonus step. There are many more steps you can take to save water, or use less water. If you own your own place, fix leaks, runny faucets, anything else. Don't water your lawn every day, don't wash your car all the time but still, try to keep it clean. Don't overfill the pools {less splashing and therefore less loss of water}. There are a ton more, and when you think of it...you will automatically come up with ways to use less and save more!

Here's a website I found quite useful to see where we can improve our water consumption. Plus, just because you don't live in California doesn't mean you shouldn't think about conserving water. There are people out there that need water and we {with or without this drought} say we care and all {and yes we do} but we don't care enough. We take the flowing liquid ever so lightly and for granted.

Do not take water for granted.
Start thinking. Start using less. Start saving our precious water. 

What are you doing to conserve water?!

image via buzzfeed

Hot Spring Outfit

dress {similar} / shoes / purse  / bracelet / earrings / sunglasses {similar} / perfume / nail polish

Weather in Southern California was almost always predictable. Weather in Northern California is a whole different story {just like its difference in expressions}. This also goes for outfits, and outfit inspirations. There are moments when I dress up {as always} and feel extremely overdressed, and somewhat inappropriate for a certain area. That is when I feel like an ugly duckling or pumpkin left in a corner since Halloween. Temperatures have risen, and it is clear it's not winter anymore. It was so hot last weekend it was time to bring out my favorite spring scent, Sunday dress, and a cute pair of flats. I had to look for some more inspiration, hence the compilation above. 

Looking forward to creating the above outfit soon. It'll be a great one for a brunch date with my favorite person, or friends if and when we ever get back together. 

Have a wonderful day!

Time To Pack and Move On

You guys, a couple of weeks ago we went on our last hunt for a new place. We found it and last week we finally got approved. It took a while for them to verify some information {I almost thought our current landlord refused to give out information so we would be stuck in this place forever; I was wrong of course}. So freaking excited. We are ready to pack, move, and start living life in a better area and place. It is definitely time. We are so ready!! *I secretly started packing thinking it will bring luck - I was right!

We will be moving in one month. It sounds like so far away but it is not. What we are mostly focusing on is to bring everything over we already have. From then on, we will figure out what needs to be purchased or given away. I know for a fact we need a dining table, and can finally purchase a patio set so we can in fact enjoy sitting outside every single day. I am also hoping we find our current sofa doesn't fit in {size wise it does but feel/look wise it may not} and that we will look into saving up and buying a new one.

The new place will be way bigger, and as far as we could tell quieter. We need some quiet time. I don't like the constant sirens going off every five minutes. Yes, if you live in a city that is bearable. We are not living downtown though. Our windows are single paned and so, guess what, it not only is loud, it is also either very cold or hot. So over this place. I hate it. Needless to say and I am repeating myself...we are ready and it is time!!!

We will get help from my favorite person's parents, as well as two classmates and a coworker of his. If you have any tips on how to pack or organize or what not...fill me in. Any tip and idea is welcome. I have a small list on what to do before the big move {inform tv/internet company, set up new accounts for water, gas, electricity and cancel old ones, inform bank, DMV, immigration, and post office to redirect mail accordingly}, but other than that I am kind of lost. Pinterest helps, too. I also learned from my last move that the more you have done ahead of time, the easier and faster the move will be. Plus, labeling your boxes on the side rather than on top is a must. 

Again, if you know of anything we should think of, let me know.