May 13, 2015

When Life Teaches You A Lesson

One week ago today my mom passed away. Suddenly, too soon, too fast, and so not expected. The initial shock, the madness, the crazy thoughts, the sadness, and the angry thoughts are gone. The shock is gone. Acceptance....well, what else can one do but to accept what happened. If I could I would turn back time. If I could I would do a lot of things differently. Yet, everything happens for a reason.

My mom wasn't sick, wasn't old, but had unfortunate circumstances happening to her that medically speaking it wasn't possible to heal a thing, or anything. I had to listen to doctors and surgeons telling me that medically speaking it is not possible; that they have tried everything they could have; that literal shit like this can happen and is happening now. Imagine me, fully jet lagged, exhausted already from stress, sitting in a sterile room at 9pm on a Tuesday night looking into a doctor's eyes and hearing the unspeakable...shock is all I felt, I still feel it sometimes. I am beyond happy I could see her, talk to her, assure her I am happy and yes, I AM HERE. I was hoping this would help in some way, hoping it would heal her and give her body strength but I was mistaken.

What I am left with is a mess of paperwork that needs to be handled, an apartment that needs to be emptied, and items of mine that need to be shipped abroad. It's a doable mess but it is overwhelming. I have no siblings and no close family that could help. I have a few friends and I know they will help, and I am not afraid to ask for help. I am going to give up part of my life here in Switzerland, part of me, but that part will live on and I will not forget where I am coming from, and who I am. I promised this to my mom, and I stand to my promise.

As I am mourning the loss of my best friend, of my mom, I hope I won't disappoint some of you by not posting as much. Life will resume, and it must but in due time. Blogging will not be a major part of my life this summer, or at least not until I am back home reunited with my favorite person. He sadly couldn't join me. I wish he was here. I really really wish. I need strength, and I need help but I know I am not alone in this. It's struggles that make us stronger, and this struggle is already making me stronger.

Hope you are having a great day.
Go out, hug someone, say hello, and thank you, and cherish the moments...any moment...even the ones that you want to throw away and yell at. Cherish those too. Trust me. 

Miss you all.

image via here


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about your mother's sudden death. Shock is the right word, and you are right, there is no choice but to accept it, although you don't want to. My dad died very suddenly when I was 19, he died in his sleep and probably didn't suffer. Still we were all in shock, and still, 22 years later, it feels unreal.

Now I work with people who are terminally ill, and that if anything teaches a lesson.. to never take health or life for granted, cherish every day.

Take care of yourself and don't worry about the posting. You'll be back when things settle down.

Claire said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, losing a loved one is hard, big hugs to you x

Mree said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in the beloved memories you have of your Mother.

The Flynnigans said...

You and I have talked at length and you know how sorry I am. :(
Do what you have to and we'll be here when you're back.

Lots of life, support and well wishes honey...

Christina said...

I'm so, so sorry, Selma. I can't imagine taking care of everything alone. You are so strong! And you won't be disappointing anyone by taking care of yourself instead of your blog. We'll all be here when you're back at it. :)

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

Oh, Selma, I am so so sorry. There are no words. I wish I could say something to help. Please let me know if I can help in some way, and please feel free to give me a ring or come by if you feel like you could use just a friendly ear and some company. I will e-mail you my contact info – I am so sorry, please let me know if there is anything I can do! Sending you a big hug.

Ashley said...

You are strong Selma, probably just like your mom and all the headstrong, stubborn, great Turkish moms out there :) :) haha. Again, I cannot express the sorrow I feel over what happened. My friend's mom died unexpectedly 2 years ago, and I find myself still shocked by it 2 years later!! It's surreal, but also as you mentioned, something that must be expected. You will get through this of course, but only knowing you are as strong as she was.

Tobia Nooke said...

I just happen to catch up and read this...
I am so sorry and lost for words.
I can imagine what you go through as my father in law surprisingly passed (shock) in another country (paperwork) but having an apartment in Germany (more paperwork) and only us to get rid of everything (not a chore you wanna do).
I wish you all the strength you need. If you want to talk I am here.

Jill said...

Sending you a bit of love. Your mom will always be an important part of your life - but that doesn't make things any easier during this time. Wishing you strength during this difficult time.


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