It is so good to see you, Thursday!!!
Seriously guys, I have been looking forward to Thursday. I dread the early morning drive to school {I am chauffeuring B as he will be still halfway asleep and no one should drive while sleepy!}, but Thursday afternoons are my favorites. I get to spend some time with my favorite person, or drag my butt to Target and NOT buy a thing there {yeah, right!}, or I get to watch a movie, sip on coffee or tea and just enjoy the day. It is our Friday. It's a fun day.
Happy Thursday my lovely readers.
It's been a while that I chose to post on a Thursday. I feel every time I want to post or write I get distracted, sick, exhausted, overwhelmed, and well, just plain lazy. So I usually forget to even open the computer and start writing. I know, I know. Also, I am behind blog reading...so if you are pregnant, engaged, cooking something new, found the best nail polish or cheapest and cutest outfit ever I might have not seen it yet. Bear with me. Life happens, and it's okay.
Thursdays...you know, it's that kind of day I am not so sure about. I love it. It's our Friday, and it's one step closer to the weekend. I need to rest this weekend. I could rest all week long if I chose to but I can't and don't, so this weekend...yes, I'm going to sleep in and rest. I need rest. I need to find peace within me. So, I I look at Thursday as a reminder that I must focus on myself, find happiness again, choose happiness, and most importantly find peace.
It's now over five and a half months since my mom passed. It's still so fresh. It's not as fresh as it was this summer, and most of the time this summer I blocked it all out. It's still fresh though. It haunts me. I wish she would have been sick, or would have told me she was sick years ago, so I and everyone else could have been more prepared, could have been less shocked and less astonished at the sad news I had to deliver. Then again, an accident or just sudden healthy death {I know, it's a morbid topic} would have been equally as bad, that is, if not even worse. Either way, she's gone. I can no longer call her and ask her for advice. I can no longer get that link between my life and her life, this country and culture and the country and culture I grew up in. I will not receive random care packages filled with sweets I love and can't get over here. I will not receive funky facebook messages or comments anymore. I will no longer have to explain how certain things work and why they don't work. It's just what it is. I am relieved at the same time. No more stressful skype dates that leave me with confusion. No more trying to convince her she's not being replaced, not loved, not missed, and not wanted. I have wrestled a lot this summer, even until today. I am now in that stage that allows me or more likely forces me to accept that our relationship was close yet flawed. She loved me, was most probably proud of me but at the same time tried to work her magic on me...even until I had to say my final good-bye. Don't get me wrong, she's my mom and loved her. I don't how she did the things she did. I also know that not everything was great. There's a reason for everything. A reason for her to let me leave, a reason for wanting to leave in the first place, a reason why I chose to live so far away, a reason why I visited so often, and also a reason I had to return this year when I did. Five and a half months...so much can happen, so much can just stay as it is.
There's about three to five more drafts waiting to be either deleted or published. I decided I let fate take its course. If I feel it is time to publish I will, and if not, I delete the entries. Writing always helps. Such a therapeutic experience.
Also, while I am talking about therapeutic experiences you might have read that we are planning on adopting or getting a pet. We are thinking of two kittens. Yes, two. We were not that lucky on Tuesday when we learned that the ones we had "on hold" were getting weaker and sicker. Hmmm, no. We felt bad for the little ones but had to withdraw our application as we were told that it would not be the best for either side. Great. Yet, we are determined to find the right pair. Again, there's a reason we couldn't get the ones we had our eyes on for over a month. There is a reason they were getting sick {I hope they survive}. There's going to be a better fit for us out there, all we have to be is patient.
And once we find our match we can high five our fur babies...
Have a great Thursday. Sorry for the downer earlier. I had to vent.
Let me know get started with this beautiful new day.
xoxo
