March 30, 2014

How to Confront a Friend In a Loving Way

Confrontation is hard, and most of us don’t really like to do it, especially when it comes to close friends or family. If you’re concerned about a friend or family member but aren’t sure how to approach the subject, you’re not alone. Don’t avoid the situation. Most things get worse when we avoid them, and chances are your loved one will appreciate your care in the long run. Here are a few things to consider as you prepare to talk to your friend.


Put Yourself In Her Shoes

Have you ever been confronted about something before? If so, was it done well or poorly? Take some time to think through that experience and make a list of the good and bad elements. How would you feel if someone sat down with you and started making accusations? On the flip side, how would you feel if someone asked you a few great questions and quietly listened? If possible, it’s better to ask questions and get the perspective of your friend. She may know where the questions are leading and get defensive, but you are only responsible for your words and actions – not her reactions. Respond with love and compassion.

Be Prepared for Support

If your friend is dealing with substance abuse addiction, you may want to do a bit of research before the conversation just so he or she knows there are resources that can help. NJ addiction treatment centers can provide some signs and symptoms of addiction, as well as helpful resources for overcoming addiction. Don’t lead with a sentence like, “I think you have a problem, and I’m going to help you.” Start by asking questions and give your friend space to respond. It’s your friend’s job to admit there’s a problem and ask for help. If the addiction is threatening your friend’s life, or the lives of those around your friend, you may want to consider bringing other loved ones into the conversation and having an intervention. New Jersey alcohol treatment centers have helpful information you should all read before having an intervention.

Speak Truth and Be Loyal

Your friend may react badly to the confrontation – that’s a risk you’ll have to take. Consider asking another loved one to stay nearby in case you need a friend after the conversation. You can’t control how your friend reacts, but you can control your level of support. If she becomes upset, speak truth, and use “I” statements: “I care about you, and that’s why I’m asking. I truly want you to have the life you want. I fear that this problem is preventing you from having that.” If your friend storms out, consider writing a letter or sending an email afterward expressing your support, and leaving an open door for her to come to you if she needs anything.

1 comment :

Leeann @ Join the Gossip said...

So hard. Confrontation is my major weakness. Any confrontation. I tend to shy away and let things fester until I just avoid the person which is 100% wrong but I am working on it :)

Great tips!


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