Life so far

Happy June.

It's hard to believe we are already experiencing month number six. Summer time. At least for most of us. Life has definitely had its ups and downs lately but mostly ups which I absolutely adore. We celebrated our three year engagement anniversary last weekend, visited family and friends back home, and are now just now settling back into a routine. It's hard when you return from vacation. Nothing changed really and yet, everything has.

A friend of mine asked me a few days ago how I was doing. Quite ironically I'm doing fabulous. Yes, I turned a year older a few days ago {or technically a number and a day only}, and yes the anniversary of my mom's passing was early May...but I am doing well. I feel I am very close to being the happy, full of energy, and ready-to-discover-the-world kind of girl I used to be. How do I notice that? I put make-up on, and look forward to the next day and actually get ready for the day. Crazy, huh? Don't get me wrong. I always took showers, and had clothes on {ha!} but I never felt the desire to look decent or at least awake or ready to do a thing. It was always so forced, and now, it all comes naturally. I can feel it and I am loving it!

I'm also doing so fabulously because for a good twelve months now I have been changing a lot in our household. I changed our lifestyle. One item at a time. One crazy ugly toxic product at a time. Slowly, but surely. It's not something you do in one day or in a week or in one month. It takes time. It takes patience as well. As crazy as it sounds I never thought I'd be this girl. I was happy where I was and how I was living. Yet, something in me changed two years ago. I realized I or actually we needed to change our lifestyle. I knew we weren't living our very best or our happiest and it's the absolute worst when you know you should be changing something but don't want to or don't know how exactly. It took me a while but I found my way. We are not 100% there yet, but one day will be. We are human after all and we all make mistakes or take a bit longer than anticipated to achieve a certain goal or dream. I have people I admire and feed off their energy and positive vibes. I learn from them. They inspire me to do the right thing, one step at a time.

This week I got rid of all my make-up. Yup. I tossed it all and kept what was so far most toxin free. I don't use a lot of make-up so it's not that dramatic, but still...I felt awful and yet very freed after I tossed the bad crap away!!
It's been a fun ride to say the least. It's not difficult to switch one product at a time, you just got to start somewhere. I did with hand soap. All those antibacterial soaps everyone loves {hey, I was one of them; emphasis on was} are not that great at all {you could read more on that here} and therefore I stopped buying them, did my research and started making my own hand soap. Crunchy, yes; so worth it though. My skin isn't dry or itchy anymore. Go figure. Over time I switched products, or decided to make my own. I mean, it's a start. I'm not perfect at all. I still eat junk food, a whole bag of chips in one day {if I really feel like it}, and I do drink coffee and sodas. Yet, I limit it all. I love food and I cook a lot at home. Nothing is processed, because 1) not good, 2) actually expensive and 3) not at all delicious. Cooking at home is a challenge but it's an awesome way to add healthier habits into our lifestyle. Plus, it is a fun date idea {married or not}. Tossing my make-up this week was yet another one of my new lifestyle challenge. I have tried several toxin-free products and have yet to fully sit down and determine which one I am going with. I'm picky, yet, I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Yes, life so far has been fantastic. It has had its ups and downs but lately a lot of ups and I couldn't be happier about this. Plus, it's June and June always makes my heart beat faster and happier. I love this month. I may be biased because it is my birthday month but there's something about this sixth month. It calls for a restart, a way to start over. It's six month before a new year starts. It's six months before most holidays occur. It's the middle of any year and just screams change,  and a new opportunity to start over.

xox

Missed me?

It has certainly been a while. I missed this creative place. I missed my time on this blog or other blogs. I missed reading it all. I missed sharing it all. It's been too long. So here I am, trying to gather my thoughts and work my way back into the blogging world. I have always believed writing was a perfect way to express one's feelings, one's opinions, and to literally deal with emotions and life. So why did I stop?! I needed to breathe, and I needed to find my old self back. It wasn't easy but I can feel old Selma and it feels amazing!!!

So stay tuned, and follow along on Instagram to see what this Crazy Little Girl has done lately! :)

xoxo

Life

So guys, I had to make changes with this blog of mine and it's been just awful. There, I said it. Besides trying to figure things out with family, friends, and life...sometimes it's just bleh. Let's be real here; life is hard. Add some drama to it and it gets harder. Add a new hobby to it and it may add a few sprinkles but life still remains hard. Blogging? That's a whole different story.

So here I am still trying to figure out if this space of mine is really going to continue. Yet, as you all know I have had this blog for years and believe that writing helps any situation. It is a healthy distraction; a healthy way to deal with problems, or just a healthy way to share our thoughts, our visions and our lives!

This month is a not a happy month.
It started out with a reminder that life is short. My cousin's death six years ago proved it, a blog friend's dad passing proved it, and then my mom's death proved it once more. I know I have my guardian angels watching over me. I know they keep me grounded and help me get through it all. It may take longer than I anticipated but I know this is the right way for me. Yet, besides the past unfortunate moments, this month has also thrown another curve ball towards my somewhat stable life. Another blog friend's mother-in-law died. My best friends in Europe lost their mom last year {and it still pains me when I look at photos and I still have to pinch me saying; don't ask how their mom is doing...because well, ya know}, and now my husband's grandpa is in terrible shape and it looks like he will leave us this week. I dread the daily calls my mother-in-law makes. I appreciate her and her love. I know for her, this is a way to get her sadness out and not keep it in. Yet, it all brings back my still very fresh memories of two years ago. Two years ago today I was frantically calling Europe, trying to get a hold of someone somehow to figure out where the heck my mom was, and most importantly how she was doing. My hands were shaking, my voice was trembling and the second I head my mom's voice I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I almost cried but I didn't. I wanted to sound strong for mom. I didn't know it by then, but that conversation was one of the last ones I had with her. I was able to tell her I was doing well and I was happy. I didn't know it back then but the next six weeks would be torturing her and me alike. I know these moments will always come back. I know they are part of me. I know they are meant to bring back memories and remind me that life is fragile and short. I also know I am doing okay, and that I will get through this. We all will. Yet, with B and his grandpa, the daily updates and what not...all I want to do is hide in the closet and wait it out...preferably hugging one of my cats, and listening to relaxing music.

This month is not a happy month.
YET I am determined to make it as comfortable as even possible.
I got good news after all...my driver's license got renewed and while I was freaking out over a possible written test again I didn't have to take one, I didn't have to wait in line and my husband got off today. So he's making me brunch...with bacon and eggs. If that isn't a positive way to enjoy the day then I don't know what is. So, I am ready to embrace the rest of this month...with all the emotions around me, with all the sadness floating around, and with all the funny and happy moments and texts I get to receive until April welcomes us in a few days.

Life is messy, and life is hard.
I try to keep it all together, cherish each day with new hopes and new ideas. I also try to remind myself that no matter what happens I won't be alone. I also try to blog more, because writing how I feel and what I feel is important to me. It soothes my soul. It keeps me going. Let's hope I return more often. I already feel better and more me.

xox

Happy Friday

It's been months that I joined in with Krysten, Charlotte, and Lindsay and their weekly link-up. I have always read them {yes yes!!} but needed to step back. I am back though, and while I can't guarantee how consistent, I am planning on being better than just writing once a week. A much needed break from blogging was needed. I missed blogging and the community that comes with it but I also enjoyed not using my computer more than I already needed to. I have been busy otherwise and I think that is amazing for me. :)

So, without further ado I am going to share what made me happy this week because that is what today's post is all about!!! 

1. Valentine's Day Dinner with my hubby!

2. Less rain

3. Coffee

4. Owl pajamas

5. Text messages

6. Newly painted window sills

7. A clean car

8. Stress Away Essential Oil

9. Kitty cuddles 

10. This Is Us

Life is too short to stay and be negative. Yes, there's a lot of stuff going on in the world and it is no fun. I have so much to say to this, but at the same time I want to cherish happier moments. I want to enjoy things that make me happy; share them with people I care about and want them to be as happy as they can be. It's the little things...even if it is a quote I love, I will share that beauty. Even if it is today's DMV appointment I am dreading...I will find something there that will cheer me up and make me smile!!!! :) 

Happy Friday, now go and link up!!

xox

Today's Quote #1

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
by George Bernard Shaw

I am creating myself. Are you?!

Months ago I had a discussion with someone and she was worried I would fall into a trap of something. I don't even remember what she said or what word she used. This got me thinking. I wasn't sure what she meant. I keep busy during the day and I am busy during the day. I help people, I educate them, I support them, I put classes together, I study, and I am also a housewife who keeps the home clean, steady, happy and well fed. 

On top of all this, I am doing what I am meant to do. I follow my passion, I work hard at it and I am happiest. Do I see awesome income coming in every month? Slowly but surely, and I cannot be happier about that aspect. No one became a millionaire in a month or in six. Now that would be fun. Yet, I am creating myself and creation takes time. I am okay with that. So should my friend, and for whoever is reading this. All I want is to be happy, to be free, to do what I love to do, and to make others as happy and free as I am feeling today!!!

I have to be honest here, life is still about finding myself. Once you create your life and yourself, and follow that passion that drives you every day, that makes you wake up ready to go...then you have found yourself. You have to start creating the life you are supposed to be living and then you find yourself. 

For me, that is chemical free living! Did you know how much chemical stuff we use every day?! Think outside of your regular toilet cleaner!!! Yikes!!! Anyways, that is me. I have and still am creating myself so I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be proud because I will have found myself!

Update on moi

How on earth has it almost been a month since my last post? 

"Time flies" is such a cliche sentence...but is definitely true! I have to admit, blogging has become more difficult in the past year. As you know it's always been my platform to express myself, to share my story, to be me. I still want it to be all that and much more. This is when my inconsistency comes in. Sometimes my life needs inconsistency, because without it it wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be true to myself. So here I am, writing inconsistently and not happy about it...but alas...that is life!

So what have I been up to??
Living life. Simple as that. Being a housewife, cleaning, cooking, organizing, paying bills, working out, you know the usual...oh, and cuddling my two cats...educating myself on essential oils and teaching about them {and that is my small business if you were wondering}, keeping it all together, house hunting, taking photos, and planning our future vacation!! It's all things life related. Boring, I know. Busy for sure.

Also, as of yesterday we are a bit worried about my husband's grandfather. He spent Christmas with us but has not been doing well in the past four days so things got a bit weird around here and filled with worry. Then again, I am not worried. I have no heart. It is time, and he will leave us eventually. I think I look at things differently since my mom's passing. I show no emotions. Also, he's 94 so it is okay. He's lived a fulfilled life, worked hard and did excellent work in his field, so if and when he goes it will be okay. He'll be reunited with the love of his life and can hang with my mom; she'd then know more about my man from him. Best source ever. Yup, morbid. Yet, that is how I see it.

Until I have more updates and stories to share...if you want to follow along on what I am doing you can easily find me on Instagram, or Pinterest {links available to the right!}. I am definitely trying to engage and entertain everyone on those platforms for sure. 

xox

Focus, because you have to

You see, sometimes life takes over. Sometimes it hits you in the face and reminds you why you are doing what you are doing. As I am slowly trying to figure things out here in the blog world and in real life I want to make sure it is the right thing for me. As much as I love writing and sharing what I have been up to or what I find inspiring...sometimes I feel stuck and don't want to share at all. That is when life takes over. 

This year I started off with a new word. If you don't know what I'm talking about you are definitely not following up on the trend. If you know what I'm talking about...by all means, yes!!! This word is supposed to guide me, to help me, to make me live this year to the fullest always with that word in mind. As I mentioned above, life takes over sometimes and to be honest, life always takes over. But in order not to get lost and not to lose hope and sight of what is important I needed a word. I used to live by word each year until 2015 happened, and last year I kind of forgot about it or wasn't as determined or focused to live by one word. Not this year. Nope, this year I need a word again and I want it to help me find my way in life again...because, yes, life does take over and we usually realize it when it is too late.

My word this year is FOCUS. 

Simple as that. I could have gone with something else, or more profound but I wanted it to be simple, direct and challenging. Focus is what I need. Focus is what needs my focus as well. Whether I am writing, reading, cooking, watching television or a film, playing with my pets, being a great wife, or working my butt off as a small business owner I want and must FOCUS!!! 

Focus, because you simply have to. It is okay if I fail here and there when I do lose focus, and I'd be lying if I said that won't ever happen. Let's be honest here, we all get distracted, interrupted in our daily chores or something happens that changes the course of our path, of our life. So focus it is, in the best possible way. I want to be in the present as possible. I don't want to read four books at once. I want to read one, finish that one after I fully paid attention to it, and then move on to the next. If I read four at once I won't be focused. I won't probably remember what I read anyways. I want to wholeheartedly prepare a meal each day {which yes I have been doing}, focus on the cutting, the smells, the tears {hello, onions}, and the taste once the product is finished. I want to focus on a film without any distractions. I want to explore more, see more, taste more delicious wines with yes, you got it, full focus in mind. I won't think about what I have to do after the wine tasting, or after the film is over or what I need to do the next day. That is distraction and with my word in mind, I cannot have this.

When life takes over and we know it will happen, I will focus and I will be darn sure to work on myself and this little but very strong word of mine this year!!!!

Focus, because you simply have to!!

What is your word this year and why???!

Happy New Year - Be Yourself

It's been weeks. Who am I kidding? It has been months that I fully sat down and said "now is the time to write a blog post". Last year at a certain point in my life I felt drained. I wasn't drained with work, life and what not. I was drained with thoughts, worry, boredom, and maybe also drained with work and life but that didn't really bother me. I didn't feel the need to write. Shocker! I don't know what happened but I felt it was time to call it quits. Yes, there I said it. I didn't feel adequate enough to sit down and share my thoughts, my ideas, my life with you. Crazy, huh?! 

Here I am trying to figure out if this is the right thing for me to do - again. I always loved sharing what I had to say and I feel this shouldn't change. I have not changed in this regard, so why quit, right? Who knows what went through to my mind almost six months ago. All I know is I needed time to decompress, relax, not worry and do my own thing. 

You know what my hiatus taught me? 

It taught me to be myself. Very simple. Very straight-forward.
All my life I have lived to please others. I listened, and followed directions I was told to take. I followed rules {which, don't get me wrong, it's always always always a good idea to follow rules!!}, I followed order. There were times I felt lost, helpless, irritated, and yes, even drained. I knew I was a fantastic daughter and grand-daughter never bringing home drama, never failing, never creating outrageously insane teenage mischief. I was a good kid. I behaved {most of the time, yes I had my moments too}, I went to school and never skipped one single class {ok, cooking class I kind of had to because my teacher was a very terrible and strict person who simply didn't belong in the teaching field...let me just say she cried when a fellow classmate cut kiwis the wrong way}. I mean, I followed a pattern, and I made my mother proud.

Until I started to be myself.
Over time, thanks to excellent education, my love for reading and traveling I acquired the so-called skill {ha!} of having my very own opinion, and making my own decisions. While this sounds very normal for most 18+ year olds, it was not that normal for me. I remember the day I wanted to wear a certain dress; mind you, it was an appropriate dress, nothing short or skinny or skanky or whatever...perfect color, appropriate shape, length etc. Mom threw a fit. Why?! Well, she would never wear this. I shouldn't either. I was 21 at that time. I knew it was time to slowly cut the cord. Isn't that the parent's job though? Seriously. 

So there I was, trying to figure out life, trying to master college, finding happiness, finding a job that may suit me and bring in some money...and at the same time I had to please my mom, and grandma. Not to mention family friends, and relatives all over the world. What the heck!!???
There were moments I just couldn't care anymore. As much as I wanted to make mom happy, I had to make myself happy too. I had opinions, I had beliefs, and I had ideas. It was soooo hard for me to make those ideas happen, to at least get my opinion across because, agreeing to disagree on topics is pretty darn interesting. It shows both sides. But no, I could never express myself. Never. If I did I was in trouble. I felt misunderstood, judged, and worst of all not loved. My life in a nutshell.

Don't get me wrong. Mom loved me. My family definitely loved me. No doubt there, but at the same time I felt that the more I tried to be me, the more I had a hard time making my family proud. So what did I do...I listened to my heart. I listened to my soul, and I absolutely listened to my side of the brain that says in all capital letters LOGIC!!! 

Here I am. Mom passed away, and it took a toll on me. Mentally, physically, and just emotionally all together. I was a mess for over a year and a half. I went to therapy, I went to physical therapy, I changed my lifestyle and found help through grief groups, I chose to give essential oils a try because, why not. I went to bi-weekly chiropractic adjustments, and I went to monthly or bi-monthly {yes!!!} massages. I slowly crawled out of my shell and tried to connect with people. I have grown a bunch. I have learned a ton. And I have definitely started to BE MYSELF. 

2016 ended and all I could think of was "FINALLY!!!" 2015 was bad, but 2016, although better, was just as draining. I needed time to be me. And blogging was out of the question. I needed major me time. So when 2016 ended I was happy and ready to tackle the new year. It is just a new day but it is also a new year and far far away from 2015 {at least not as close as 2016}. On Sunday, January 1, a little light bulb went off...whatever I have experienced in the past year and a half is everything my mom would disapprove of. I am not kidding. She would frown at everything and never agree with me that that is what my life, my married household needed or actually needs. She would disapprove of our pets, of essential oils, of work outs, of the new car that was very necessary, of the way I cook and what I cook, oh yes, even of my new coffee maker I just received for Christmas. She would be so negative, so against everything...I'd be draining and I would not be me. So...as much as I loved my mom and saw her as a great person because, after all, she was awesome raising me by herself...she was not good for me. I miss her and I wish I could talk to her at times, but I often think of what she would say, and trust me, the result was never pleasant. So, I was right in saying FINALLY to the New Year. I was right in cutting the cord as a child, rather than the parent doing it. I was right finding my way somewhere else, far far away from everything. I miss my friends back home, I miss my cousins, but I do not miss the negativity associated with my past life. I'm sure no one does. 

So, thank you short hiatus of mine for letting me figure how how to be me again!!!

With a new coffee maker, pets I adore to pieces, a great husband, a gorgeous big car in our garage, and essential oils enhancing our life. Oh, and I recently had to go dairy free...oh man!! 

Happy New Year, make it a good one!!!

xox