Today's Quote #1

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
by George Bernard Shaw

I am creating myself. Are you?!

Months ago I had a discussion with someone and she was worried I would fall into a trap of something. I don't even remember what she said or what word she used. This got me thinking. I wasn't sure what she meant. I keep busy during the day and I am busy during the day. I help people, I educate them, I support them, I put classes together, I study, and I am also a housewife who keeps the home clean, steady, happy and well fed. 

On top of all this, I am doing what I am meant to do. I follow my passion, I work hard at it and I am happiest. Do I see awesome income coming in every month? Slowly but surely, and I cannot be happier about that aspect. No one became a millionaire in a month or in six. Now that would be fun. Yet, I am creating myself and creation takes time. I am okay with that. So should my friend, and for whoever is reading this. All I want is to be happy, to be free, to do what I love to do, and to make others as happy and free as I am feeling today!!!

I have to be honest here, life is still about finding myself. Once you create your life and yourself, and follow that passion that drives you every day, that makes you wake up ready to go...then you have found yourself. You have to start creating the life you are supposed to be living and then you find yourself. 

For me, that is chemical free living! Did you know how much chemical stuff we use every day?! Think outside of your regular toilet cleaner!!! Yikes!!! Anyways, that is me. I have and still am creating myself so I can finally look at myself in the mirror and be proud because I will have found myself!

Hope becomes Love

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” 

- Paulo Coehlo, The Alchemist

*****

Today I decided to do something different. I wanted to share a recipe with you. I wanted to share with you what I got rid of and how I created my summer drink. I stopped, deleted most of my drafts and focused on the NOW. Well, August started out well and the first day ended with lots of question marks. One of my lovely blog friends, a gal whose sass, awesomeness and love for her family and life is beyond explainable, was expecting her fourth child. She was stinking excited and ready to welcome her little one. Well, life sometimes draws a line and says not today...and for her, well, labor wasn't easy and delivery wasn't easy either. Her little girl, healthy and so cute, got delivered by an emergency c-section and there were some complications. She's now in a medically induced coma and although she's stable...to me, a coma does not sound stable. At the same time, another friend of mine gave birth to a baby boy. Her photos and smile and what not made me happy yet sad, knowing someone was off dreaming at the moment fighting an infection and fighting to wake up.

In the mean time there's a GoFundMe page for anyone who is willing to help her family out. Who knows how long her recovery is going to take, let alone the endless bills. She's got awesome children waiting for momma to be momma again, and a devoted loving husband who's taken extra shifts to provide for the family. Every dollar counts. It's not so much the amount one donates, it's the meaning behind that dollar. I thought I'd let people know here. Her blog is ongoing, as she has scheduled her posts but this she certainly did not see coming. No one ever does.

That being said...life is precious, life is wonderful and also short. Last year I learned how quickly things can change. Today, again, I am reminded of this beautiful life and how fragile we all are. I am hopeful. Hope has always kept me going, and hope remains strong. And where there is hope, there is love! And love is even stronger than hope! So Coehlo was right when he wrote that when we love, everything around us becomes better as well. It does. 

Hope becomes Love!

Don't you ever forget and lose hope! Hope is essential to our happiness!!

xox

Time Heals All Wounds - QOTD #29

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” 

Rose Kennedy

***

I have come across this very quote a few days ago and it hit home. Hard. I so agree with this quote because although we want to believe that time heals all wounds it doesn't. It may make it easier but it may not make those wounds go away. Ever. They stay with us whether we like it or not. They shape us and make us either stronger, more fragile, determined, confused or bitter. I am a mix of all of this. My wounds are still open, and it hurts to know that soon it will hit a one year mark. Time sure flies but it doesn't heal those wounds, it just lessens the pain. 

Yesterday I started experiencing anxiety attacks again and they aren't pretty. It's a mix of allergy related anxiety attacks as well. Thanks pollen, grass and trees...thank you. Well, maybe I should thank me for all of that because I caused it. But that story is for another time. I don't know what caused my anxiety attacks yesterday but man I felt awful. There were moments I felt great and normal and I kept wondering why I felt normal that moment. Was it that I didn't think of my mom? What is that I didn't think of the day? That I didn't think of what may come after that one year mark? Probably. I don't know. I don't think about the day, officially. I'm sure subconsciously I am. I am sure my mind dreams about it but won't let me see those dreams. I am not stupid. I know the day will come and I know it will bring back memories and sadness. I was told to get distracted that day. I am hoping we will find a way to do so. It's so very real and so very weird. And the funniest thing about it all is that my anxiety leaves me once I start crying. It's like all the sorrow, all the heavy stuff I carry with me and all the worries I have leave me for however long I cry. It feels great and yet it feels awful because I am an ugly cry baby. My face swells, it gets red and I look like I swallowed a sour melon that is too huge to even get eaten. 

So, long story short...I am a mess and time heals NOT all wounds. I am sad yet happy. I am a mess, really. Every day I learn my lessons, I cherish each moment and hope mom sees how I am doing. Well, I hope she won't see it all because some of it isn't pretty and I am not proud of it but hey, it's life and I needed time off to reflect on myself, my life, my future, my health and heck, I am proud to say I am ready to conquer the world again. I must, whether or not I am happy. I simply must.

I hope this finds you happier than I am. If you're experiencing similar feelings consider yourself hugged because hugs help. Hugs are needed and a true blessing, no matter who gives them. Remember that. 

xox

Fires - QOTD #28

"When the fires come, and they will, quitting will always seem to be the best escape route. But if we take a few more steps, show a little more effort, and put a few more seeds in the ground, maybe, just maybe, we will start to see something beautiful happen."

Nicki Koziarz

I am currently reading a book I normally wouldn't pick. However, I find myself drawn to a lot of stories she describes and it all feels so real. Whatever happens in our life we are not alone. There's usually someone who has gone through the same or something very similar {or worse but we won't go there}. These days I tend to believe in the good, the positive, the fun, the uplifting...and when I read a book and read a story about how she almost set her whole crops on fire...I had to laugh. This certainly has not happened to me, but plans got shattered or changed so drastically that it felt like a fire hit my precious home. With that being said...I hope that whatever life gives you that you make the best out of it. Cherish the moment, learn from whatever is happening to you, and move on {however fast you want to move on}. There's always something beautiful about to happen, always!

xox

Cause Happiness

 

Some cause happiness wherever they go;

others whenever they go.

 

- Oscar Wilde

 

***

 

I make happiness happen. I cause happiness. Whenever and wherever I go. 

 

Yesterday I went to a doctor's appointment. I had to change insurances and sadly was forced to look for a new doctor. The whole procedure to find one, let alone find one that accepts new patients and isn't 500 miles away, was tough. Now I understand why people refuse to get insurance and refuse to see a doctor. Seriously, this was the worst thing ever. My doctor was nice but for an annual check up I would have wanted to get more done. When I had my paperwork done for my residency, the doctor who had to examine and check me did a better job than the one yesterday. Urgent Care took better care of me than yesterday's doctor. I felt betrayed. Unfortunately, Urgent Care does not accept my new insurance. See my dilemma? I can't even go there now. So for the next few months I am stuck with a doctor I don't like and can't change a thing. If I changed again, or even found a different doctor, I would have to start from scratch again. Meaning, I would have to wait another four months to get an appointment. I just want to cry. Literally and figuratively. I want to cry!!!

On a brighter note: I found happiness. I made it happen. I saw a pretty sunset, cuddled with my fur babies, and paid $1.92 for gas. YAY!! For California this is low, guys. Very low. I'm stoked. So yes, I make happiness happen. I cause it, even with a tiny happy dance that gas was below the two dollar mark. 

 

How are your gas prices?
And please tell me you have a great doctor. I need to hear this.

xox

What Can I Do With My Happiness?

“What can I do with my happiness? How can I keep it, conceal it, bury it where I may never lose it? I want to kneel as it falls over me like rain, gather it up with lace and silk, and press it over myself again.” 

by Anaïs Nin, Henry & June 

With everything I have gone through in the past eight months I wanted to know one thing, and one thing only. What can I do with my happiness when I cannot share it with the one person I lost. What can I do with my happiness even when I share it with everyone around me. It is one of those questions you cannot fully find a right answer to. Even if you think you found it, there will be another answer waiting in line. My happiness has been increasing. I have found joy again. I have learned to let the past be the past. I have accepted what fate wanted me to experience. Happiness is what I strive for the most. Happiness is what I want to experience, every day, every hour. This year will be filled with happy moments. Even when I feel sad, shocked, perplexed, and not ready to see the positive side of something, anything, I will force myself to be happy even if it is happiness found in a word, a color, or another person's smile or gesture.

So, what can I do with my happiness?
I will keep it, conceal it, bury it, and live it. I will share it with whoever I want to share it with. I will cherish it. I will find it. AND, if I want to share it with the one person I lost last year I will. She will feel it. She will see it. She will know it. Most importantly though, I will feel my happiness and I will welcome and embrace it.

What are you doing with your happiness?!

Today is the Day

 

I am so weak today. My month of no sweets slowly comes to an end and oh my I so want to eat everything I see. I am literally counting down the days until February 1. I will make a dessert that day just for the heck of it. I must eat something sweet. Honey on apple or banana doesn't do it for me anymore. Four full days and then I am ready for a new food challenge.

Today is the day I feel the worst. I have been strong and willing to avoid sweets this month and it's been fine until today. This elimination wasn't difficult but oh my today is the day I feel the weakest and most tempted {and no, I am not PMSing}. 

Today is also the day my favorite person goes back to school. It's going to be a tough semester but this will bring him so much closer to the end. Working and going to school always takes longer, and when the school cuts classes and professors it takes even longer. Yet, he can do this because today is the day he will take one step closer to being stronger, better, and more educated.

Also, today is the day I promised myself to be a better person, not just for me but for my favorite person, my friends, and family. This includes working on a scrapbook, writing more letters, or just cards, no shopping anymore and saving up more so we are ready to move by the end of May. YES, we are moving. We will still stay in the Sacramento area but move more east to a better apartment complex. We are ready to make this move. If we could we would move today, but no one wants and should break a lease so we definitely will stick to our little place we call home and suck it up until May. Three full months. Three full months. Doesn't sound that bad, does it?

Today is the day I am going to enjoy every single moment and not worry about four more sugarless days, or the three months left in our current home. Today is the day I am striving to be a happier person. The next few months will be so much easier and more fun.

Make today the day you choose to be better, stronger, more of something you thought you are not. If I can {and I am the pessimist lately} then so can you!!! 

xoxo

image via society6

Life doesn't stop for anybody

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”

- Stephen Chbosky

I remind me of this every day. Every hour and even every minute.
My whole life I have been waiting for something or someone to smile and say hi and change my life. Not that my life was bad it just wasn't "it". Things did change, and partially I made them change. I lost friends along the way and gained new ones. I disappointed people, I even disappointed myself. Life however kept rolling like an endless roll of film. It didn't stop. It really doesn't stop. Life continues to amaze me and it continues to challenge me. I may not follow the path my family had in store for me to walk on, and I may not even walk the route I had personally intended to follow along...I am in a whole different place, away from my loved ones, my closest friends, my mom, and places I call home and fondly remember. Yet all that is part of who I am. It is me. It is my life. It is my path, and it is my own entire roll of film that doesn't stop for anyone.

With that being said...go out and enjoy your day. Don't wait for better weather, don't wait for sunshine or your friends to knock on your door. Step outside, walk, drink hot cocoa even when it's your bed time or finally open that bottle of wine, and clean the house. Paint those nails, or go on a spontaneous shopping trip {online or not}. Do it. Don't wait. Make the best out of today. Don't roll your eyes and say "I can't". You can, only if you really truly want to. Besides, it is your life, your film, and if you don't do it now when will you?!

xoxo

You Only Live Once

Happy late Thursday everyone!

Also, happy early weekend. It will be a busy weekend for my favorite person and I. We will explore the surrounding areas again, and hopefully experience a fun weekend. I'm so thrilled. We might have spent time away in Orange County {with me three days/nights away from him} but we still need to get out of our apartment more often and explore NorCal. Granted, by being homebodies we save money, and drama...but our tiny place cannot offer what the world has to offer. We only live once...we gotta lick the bowl. Trust me I am starting to lick {or shall I say devour} more and more. Sugared or not. ;)

Have a great weekend.
See you all Monday.

image via keep

Hold onto Dreams

“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly."

  Langston Hughes

***

Blogging on a daily basis has always been helpful to me. It has helped me share my thoughts, my wishes and dreams, my life, my ideas, my frustrations, and many more things. Yet, there are times when I just don't know what to share. Call it a blockage or just an uninspired moment. Either way, I don't have that at the moment but I still feel at a loss. 

The quote represents exactly what I am feeling at the moment. Not just now, but this entire week. My dreams are still there, and I am trying to really hold onto them. Yet, I feel alone. I feel bored. I feel uninspired. Yes, I cook, and I kind of explore but there is so much more I would like to accomplish during the day. Having a steady job for once would be a grateful way to make myself feel needed and feel accomplished {not to mention the extra income}. I am so exhausted from looking, and applying, researching and all, and not getting anything in return. It is just a blah-week, and probably also a blah-month. I am driving myself crazy. Also, my favorite person doesn't like to see me this way. It pains him. He cannot do much to make me feel more myself - I just have to find that way out of my so-called crisis and learn how to fly; just like in the quote.   

Let's hope I find a way. 

Any suggestions on how to make me smile more?

Have a great weekend, my lovelies!!

image via tumblr

Reality is Better - QOTD #17

 {via}

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

****

 This is true.

However, I can happily fall asleep. 

I don't dream but I think that's okay.
At least I hope it is okay.

My weekend has already started.
I am studying math, and reading some books on human behavior.

Also, a date is in near sight...let's say tomorrow.
I'm excited. 

Really, there's nothing more fun than spending an evening watching a movie with my favorite person.

And maybe holding a glass of wine...just saying.

Any fun plans coming up in your life?

xoxo

Life - #13 QOTD

“Be who you are and say what you feel, 

because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” 

- Bernard M. Baruch

{via}

We all know this saying. We all do.
This week I learned that I have to focus on the people who matter in my life.
The ones I thought mattered disappointed me greatly.
I cried hours, weeks, maybe even months.
This week I decided to let it all go.
A new year means a new start and since I want to simplify my entire life...

...I also simplify my friendships and relationships.

A big thank you goes out to those people in my life who matter.
Who accept me for who I am and what I do and have done.
Who accept me for who I have become.
Who love me unconditionally, even during my weakest days.

Who know that I am generous but only to a certain limit.
Who know that I am smart, intelligent, spontaneous, and giving.

It goes out to everyone who knows I am willing to go the extra mile just to please people.

Yet, once betrayed, once taken for granted I will not be forgiving. I will be hesitant and sad.

So, my thank you's go out to my dearest friends who are close to me (even though a few don't live close).
To those that check on me from time to time - just the way I do it.

I am who I am - take it or leave it!

QOTD - Love #12

 “Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those sense weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't.” 

Mitch Albom - The Five People You Meet In Heaven

***

I could not agree more.

Happy second day of 2014.
It would be another holiday in Switzerland so I treat it as such here in California.
Gotta enjoy the little moments. ;)

Quote of the Day - My Monday Morning Gossip #11

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“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”  
Robert Fulghum, True Love

*****

I'm linking up with Leeann and her weekly Monday Morning Gossip. My gossip for today or this week is that well, love is around. Maybe even for me. However, I don't know what I should think about it and how. It doesn't scare me but surprised me - there's so much more to this it doesn't make it easy. And yet it should be. Just like the quote above. I am confused...but that's part of it all, no?!

Have a brilliant day and week.
October is almost here! WOW.

xoxo

Positivity on my day off

{via}

Have a brilliant day.
Thought I'd share something fun today.

I have another day off today, spending it peacefully with my favorite person.

Since it is another day that is just hot...a coffee frapp will cool me down, too.

How do you keep cool?
Drinks?
Food?
Sleep?
Pool?
Or simply just those expensive AC's?!

Any suggestions besides the aforementioned remedies?

Quote Of The Day - Love #10

“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.” ― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

*****

Love is in the air my dear friends.

Unfortunately not for me, at least today that is.

BUT, one of my awesome friends just got engaged and I'm not just thrilled for her but I am overly excited. She's such a great person with so much heart and I know that she and her now-fiance complete each other. They are about to take wonderfully blessed new steps further into their relationship and I cannot be more happy for them. With that being said, attending their engagement party this weekend will be bitter sweet (in a good way of course), wonderful and just perfect. Cannot wait. 

xoxo

Quote Of The Day #9

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” - Bernard M. Baruch

****

We all know this. But once it happens you stand there and wonder...and then it hits you. You are doing what you want to do, and you are saying what you want to say. Nothing else. And those that really care about you accept you for who you are, what you do, where you live, and how you live life. No judging, and no gossiping.  

This quote couldn't be more true!!

xoxo

Quote Of The Day #8

{via}

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

Henry David Thoreau 

Quote Of The Day #7

{via}

Sometimes life is just a shit-sandwich. - Arlene (on True Blood)

***

I simply couldn't agree more.
Let's paint a rainbow then...it'll be better after.

Quote of the Day #6

{via}

"You can't be happy unless you're unhappy sometimes" ― Lauren Oliver

***

Happy Thursday everyone.
Finally, very slowly however, the sky is clearing itself from those ugly and nasty gray clouds.

We hopefully can soon enjoy a better summer, with more sunshine and blue skies. 

So, while I am unhappily holiding an umbrella these days...I look forward to happier, ice-licking days filled with sunshine and colorful flowers.

xoxo