5 Ways to Stay Sane {Work & Study}

When you are in a relationship, especially early on, everything feels great, glorious and just beyond anything you had imagined. Life couldn't be better. When that relationship intensifies by you living together under one roof you get to experience a different kind of relationship. You get to enjoy {or not} each other's daily moves, habits, and what not. Both sides need to adjust and accept new rules, new ways to live life. No need to change everything but there will be adjustments and there will hardship {not too much I hope}.

When your other half returns to school, then, well then life changes a bit more. You'd think, hey yes, I remember going to college, I remember that lame homework, those awful papers and assignments and the projects no one wanted to work on. It'll be a breeze. Yes, I remember all that.

I do, too. I still do, and I see it every day. *insert crazy face here*

Don't get me wrong I love that B is in school. It shows dedication and determination. He wants to get his goals accomplished and he wants them accomplished soon. This not only requires us to spend more on life than normal {hello, schoolbooks that cost $120 each and that is the used book price, not to mention the parking permits}, but it also requires us to find a balance in between school, home assignments, work and marriage. I'm kind of happy we don't have friends here who want to hang out often. If we did I'd welcome them of course, but that would add a bit to the already full load. So how we {heck, I} stay sane?! Here's 5 things I do to stay sane while my other half works and studies his butt off at the same time.

1. Let him do his thing
Literally. My way to study and cram stuff in is in no his way. I need a quiet, or maybe a semi-quiet, environment. I can't have music blasting or chatter next or around me. I also can't have distractions around me. My laptop stays shut off {unless needed to study and type homework up}. My phone is on silent and far far away from me. His way? It's all over the place. Laptop open, YouTube open {I am not joking}, music blasting and what not. He studies for about 15 minutes and then takes an hour break or more. I do it the opposite around.
So, I am forcing myself to let him do his thing. It has clearly worked for him in the past and until now so why make him change a thing. I also try to stay far away from him because, I so want to turn off the TV, radio and Internet so badly every time I see him "study".

2. Find something that occupies you, and you only
I read, he doesn't. So while he is doing his thing at night or whenever I am around I grab a book and start reading it in the bedroom. Or, I catch up on my TV shows. It's little things like that. It's things I only do. Or, if I feel I need to splurge...I go shopping by myself but we all know how this usually ends. Find something that you can do by yourself and only yourself. It definitely helps not to be around hearing him curse at the assignments or life.

3. Schedule, schedule, schedule
While I was studying I had my planner, and I wrote down when I had midterms, assignments due, and finals. I also wrote down when I needed to return certain items, turn something in, had a date, and needed to meet up with my monthly book club. I scheduled it and I made sure I wouldn't miss any thing. Well, B is a guy. He doesn't schedule well. He doesn't write down important things. It's a guy thing. So, it is important to schedule for your other half so you stay sane while your other half is trying to survive under so much school pressure as well. Half the time he didn't remember he had an exam in a week. I knew it though and reminded him. So yes, schedule schedule schedule...for you, for your partner, and yes, even for the two of you. No one has time to forget anything or miss a special date or meeting.

4. Schedule Time Out
This may sound like part of #3 and it may as well be but it is crucial to schedule a time out day. This day doesn't have to be a day where a date occurs or you go hiking together {that's a date, too, no?!}. It's a day no one does a school or work related thing. Sleep in, don't touch the course load, don't even check any social media {and if you have to, have scheduled times for that like 9-10am and 5-6pm}, don't do chores...just be you and only you. Watch a movie together, explore the city, or yes, go on a date for all I care...just don't do a thing about school or work or both. Take that time to be with your partner. It's called time out from the work/school load...so take that day as an opportunity to find a way back to your pre-school/work days. And turn your darn cellphone off!!! I schedule such a day {yes, see, I do it} about every two weeks. It's not easy but it is oh so worth it.

5. Picture the Outcome
Yes, picture the outcome. Let's be honest here, there are times when I want to tear every single book and notebook of his apart. I'm done with school and seeing him being exhausted and in a way unhappy makes me sad and mad. It's frustrating to work and go to school. It's frustrating to be in school at times. He wants to be done. I get it. I can't help him much with the load. I don't make him do a ton around the house unless really necessary. I want him to focus on his studies. I have to remind him of the outcome almost every day. There are times he wants to quit. Badly. I have to sit down and make him picture the outcome. Once he pictures it he knows he is on the right track towards something awesome. It's hard to do this when you're exhausted and fed up, so trust me when I say that we have to picture the future almost daily these days. Yet, it is doable. And it will be so beneficial!!

These 5 ways are not the only ways to stay sane while your other half works or/and studies. There's is a ton more, yet, these five steps have helped us stay relatively sane. Granted, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit it, there are moments all these steps fail. We are only human. Yet, I make an effort to help out and be as understanding and supporting as I can be. There is only so much I can do at times. I can't write a paper for him, and I can't help with projects but I can help with printing out things, letting him do his thing while I cook or clean. It's the little things that count. And when I'm all fed up I grab a book, pour me a glass of red wine and head into the bedroom while I get lost in the written word. That always sounds like a fabulous time out for me. ;)

It's definitely not easy to do both, work and school. I see the future and I know he does too but we all know, sometimes the future looks too far away and even off the wishful, easy path. Oftentimes we have to take the rougher, more difficult way to get to where we want to be. He's chosen the middle route and I am so hoping this won't kick him or me in the butt one day.

We work hard to get to where we want to end up and I have to tell him every day how much I appreciate his hard work, his dedication and determination. He's usually not into praise like that but he certainly needs to hear this; more now than before. He actually told me he needed to hear these words so I am making this effort to let him know how I feel about his hard work as often as I can. We have had our differences and as I mentioned, sometimes these five steps fail. Again, we are only human. We are not perfect. Yet, that imperfection makes life beautiful and quite worth the struggle.

Any school/work stories out there that you'd like to share? Are you still {or again} in school trying to better yourself? Whatever you do I hope you are doing a great job, and keeping yourself and your family as sane and happy as even possible.

xox

5 Night Routines for a Healthy Relationship

There are tons of books out there talking about how to fix a relationship, how to live better, how to behave better, how to act, and how not to act. Honestly, I never touched one. I believe in the written word and I am sure that all these books help in some way and show a way to improve or enjoy a happier relationship especially when the relationship is not going so well. There is a book for pretty much anything and everything. What inspires me though is to find out how to make the already happy and well functioning relationship work even better. Why look for help or suggestions when something is crumbling, about to shatter into millions of pieces? You can call it prevention...I call it inspiration. Bring the better you out and live it so it is felt and shown in any relationship. Here are my five tips to add to your night routine when in a relationship...

1. Never ever go to bed angry or mad. Not worth it. It will kill your sleep. Seriously, think about it. When you go to bed angry you are stressed and stress doesn't necessarily lead to sleep. You won't be able to fall asleep as fast or rest as much as you would like to. You may sleep but how peaceful will that sleep be when you are angry at your partner? You wake up groggy and your day is off to a bad start.
2. Prepare for the next day. Now this sounds like it doesn't belong here but look at it this way...when you prepare for the next day you not only lay out clothes, shoes and get your bag{s} ready, you also prepare for the future. You look ahead. You plan. You look forward to the next day {or not, depending on what you're up to}. Yet, the more you prepare for the next day the easier your morning will be...and the smoother your night's rest will feel as well.
3. Put all electronics away {phones, tablets, laptops}. It's a distraction. If you really want to check with social media, emails or games before you go to bed schedule a specific time for it. Let's say you go to bed at 10.30, make 9.30 to 9.45 the time to check for all of that and then make those bad boys go away! No need to lay in bed next to your partner and not engaging with your partner, which brings me to the next tip:
4. Connect. Talk, play games, massage, tickle, be intimate in any kind of form you would like. Being intimate does not mean you have to have sex, remember that. Connect with your partner. We talk a lot in bed. We go over the day, what went right what went wrong. What the next day looks like or the next week.  All that while he is massaging that knot on my muscle away. This gives us a chance to re-connect, to get everything out of the way and clear our heads so we don't go to bed angry {see tip #1}.
5. Always kiss good-night and say good-night. It's that simple. We made a rule that we would always do this no matter what. It makes sense and brings harmony. It's also a nice way to end any day and know that you are not alone and loved. It is part of my fourth tip, but brings this nightly routine to an end. 

These are my night routines for my healthy relationship with my man. There are many more tips out there on what to do before you go to bed. Yes, shower, brush teeth, remove make-up, stretch, read, play with pets, put lotion on, or what not. All those are important, too. Today I wanted to solely focus on five simple yet effective ways to end a day and get a hopefully good night's rest. You may think, wait a minute...what if you have children? What is that nightly routine going to look like then because it is quite likely to happen that both sides will be exhausted and won't have time for a good-night kiss...

...well, then my lovely readers...then I don't know. Is a kiss really that hard to manage?

xox

One Year

 

It's hard to believe it's been one whole year since B and I said "I Do." All day we have been talking about our special day and how simply beautiful it was. We were blessed with gorgeous California weather and were surrounded by great people on the most important day of our lives. Our first year has challenged both of us but we also believe it has made us stronger and appreciate each other better.  I'm so lucky to have B for a partner. I know we have many fun adventures ahead of us and I cannot wait to share it with him. 

Thanks for an amazing first year! I love you!

xoxo

image via here

10 Affordable Date Ideas

Whether you are married, engaged, or just living with your boyfriend or girlfriend, your significant other is part of your life. You practically share everything with one another, you live together and spend your lives together to make it memorable for the both of you. There is a reason you decided to take this step. There will be a time when everything makes sense, and there will also be a time when nothing makes sense. 

The time will come when life takes over and work or life in general make you feel miserable, tired, angry, upset, and even just alone. Coming home to your favorite person will be your favorite part of the day, no matter how exhausted you are. You will look forward to a smile, a hug, or a kiss just to feel the love and mutual understanding. These are the times that bond the two of you. These are the times that also push the two of you away, inch by inch. It's a combination of both and over the years I have learned that it is quite normal and shouldn't be alarming. Just because we decided to spend the rest of our life with another person doesn't mean we give up our former life or stop our growth. We adjust, we learn, we figure things out. The honeymoon phase {the happy, everything is awesome moment we all know exists} sometimes comes to an end and you need to find a way back to the honeymoon phase. Why?! Because, you know, life is too short and you want to be happy rather than dwell on a nasty day, comment, or dirty chores. You want to smile, think happy thoughts and live life with a positive attitude. 

One thing I have learned from past relationships and now with my happily every after is that you should never start or end the day with a negative attitude. You should always talk it over, you should always listen and pay attention, even when you are about to explode or cook dinner. Most importantly, you should always make an effort to make one another feel special and important, and best way to do so is to regularly ask each other out. 

Yes, date nights!!! This isn't new news but we still often neglect that part of any relationship. Just because you've been dating for ten years {or eight months} or been married for five, you should still make the time to regularly go out with your significant other. Date night doesn't mean a fancy dinner reservation and an elaborate trip, even though the idea is spectacular. Date night means spending time together and being there for one another, heck, even learning new things about each other {yes, even after ten years!}. So I thought I'd write a post about things you could do with your favorite person; things you know you want to or have done before...but never fully put thought into it, and most of it is practically free!

Date Night Ideas

• Learn a new language together
  Imagine you'd learn French together, you could pair your weekly two-hour session with a glass of red wine or cheese, grapes and cold meat. It doesn't have to be a boring date session where you two sit in front of your books and study new words. Make it fun, test each other or try to speak to one another in that new language only. It's fun!
• Print your favorite photos and create an album together
  It's fun when one person does it, but with the input of two the outcome will be even more fantastic. It will be a great date night going over old photos, remembering fun times, and having a laugh or two.
• Decide on a whole meal and cook it together
  Make it a cute stay-at-home dinner date, and make it fancy. Don't cook just one course, make three out of it. One of you makes the appetizer, one makes the dessert and the main dish you work on together. Dress up, and pretend you'd be picked up at a certain hour. You can still go out on a stroll afterwards. And yes, no phones or TV.
• Make a seasonal list {it's fun to make a summer list together}
  A new season means new opportunities open up for all of us to experience. You'd rather go swim in the lake in the summer than in the winter, right? And you'd rather make popsicles and sangrias in the summer than any other time, right? Me, too. So sit down and create your summer list, and try to make an effort making those. Or make a fall list. Whichever. It's free, and fun, and allows you to plan ahead and look forward to future dates together.
• Discover something new together
  Whether it is a new restaurant, a restaurant you haven't been to but always wanted to try, a new neighborhood park, a new store, or a bike trail...make an effort to take time and explore it together. If money is tight and you still want to try that new Tapas place downtown, try to set weekly money apart together so you both can look forward to some Spanish Yumminess!
• Go out for a walk
  Maybe you are blessed like us with a trail just around the corner, or you live next to a river, lake, the beach...then get your comfy walking wear on and head on outside. It doesn't have to be a whole day event {if so, make it a picnic day}; just go out and walk together. Turn your phone to silent and put it in a bag {you still want it with you for emergencies; you never know}. Go out, walk, talk, and enjoy somewhat quiet, personal time together. Want to join us on our seven-mile walk?! You're more than welcome.
• Find a diner and have a milkshake
  Share the shake if you want, or have fries with it too. Simple, yes unhealthy, but oh so good. Plus, it kind of brings the old-fashioned date idea back, doesn't it?
• Go to your local farmer's market together
  You don't need to buy a thing. It would be nice if you did but we all know those markets can be pricey. Stroll around, smell the fresh fruit and the colorful flowers. Take it all in. Support your community. Plus, have I mentioned free samples?!
•  Stay home and watch a movie together
  This can be combined with the cooking together. Make it a Netflix night, or just find a show or movie at home that both of you have not seen yet. One night let your partner choose the genre and film, and one night make it your turn to choose your favorite genre.
• Play a game together
  Have cards at home? Or a puzzle? Are both somewhere in the corner, probably covered in dust? Then it is time to bring them out. Game night can bring the two of you together. Plus, it's free since you already have those at home. Own a Playstation or Wii?! Even better. Haven't used those in months or years?! It is about time.

I am no expert. The thing I learned is that we easily neglect ourselves, and oftentimes each other. We start to take each other for granted. You come home and you know the other one is at home, either waiting, cooking, reading, whatever. You may ask how each other's day was or you may not. You want some time to yourself {which is normal} but you should also acknowledge that there is someone else at home; with you. Life happens. Life can be busy, and overwhelming, and I am sure with children it is even more difficult to sit down and have some quiet, one-on-one time. Make it an effort though. Bring the honeymoon phase back. 

Now if you were wondering...our honeymoon phase is still somewhere around. We are just having a little bit of a rough patch. No worries though. It's okay and we kind of expected it. New work and its awful schedule is so draining, so exhausting. Also, all plans we had got kind of ruined. Add a tremendous amount of schoolwork to the bliss and you have a mess. 

So it is crucial to create scheduled date nights. I never thought I had to do this. Ha. Life can be mean sometimes. Yes, I schedule our date nights. Once a week. Think that is too much? Think again. When you were dating you couldn't wait to see your favorite person...once a week wasn't enough. Same here, same today. There are times we hardly get to talk because he is so exhausted. I almost had to spoon feed him one night because he was not able to lift his arms to eat a proper meal. He ended up eating without me feeding him, if you were wondering. Yes, life can drain you and take all the joy from your blissful happily ever after. Fight back. I am fighting back!!!!

I cannot wait until Friday! :)

xoxo