Well, turns out, after all this time the friend I wrote about does not understand and not get over the fact that I could not come to her wedding. I am fully aware of what I gave up when I moved away, and what may happen to friends and family when I'm not around. I knew that. They knew that too. It's time of pure self-reflection and thorough thinking and it all tells me I should have done this all sooner. I'm sick and tired of constant reminders of the past or of things I simply can't change. Friendships are always a two-way street. There's just so much we can do. Sometimes friendships are just not meant to go on forever. Even after over 10 years.
I pretty much called it quits on Thursday. I truly believe that March 7 had a lot to do with it. Maybe my cousin finally sent me a sign telling me to take this step because it ruins me. It has for the past year. I have been struggling for so long but it seemed worthless. Whatever I say will be used against me and I just know it's not fair and not right. I felt incredibly bad, and very sad about it but it was time. What ticked me off the most and made me realize that it is indeed not possible to keep this going (at least for now, maybe in five years we decide to talk again but now I don't see a point unless she wakes up) is the fact that she thinks she is the only friend of mine who is married and expecting or whatnot. She certainly is not.
I have plenty of friends who are in a relationship, married, having kids or expecting kids. And we all manage to get together on a regular basis, we all go out and eat, and we all meet and do stuff. We may not always have time for each other but we make time. We all have family and friends, and other obligations and we still manage to maintain our friendship and value each other's company. One of my friends gave birth to her second daughter and I wasn't there. Did this make me sad? Sure. But we don't hate each other for not being closer, we actually appreciate the fact and that makes us grow closer. I mean, come on? We are adults and we should see it all logically.
What pissed me off and really made me realize that it's time to let go was the fact that she mentioned her wedding again. I never asked her to postpone it, I never made her postpone it and besides she never postponed it. I thought she realized that it was impossible for me to fly to Europe for two days. I don't have a private jet. I go to school. Hello?! So, she had to mention it again and say something like she now knows who really cares about her because they came to her wedding. Really?
Come on? I am not blaming it on hormones. Because quite frankly, last year they weren't to blame, but now it's just her real self coming out and it frustrates me to the core. HOWEVER, I'm better than that. I call it quits, and I say bye. I don't need drama. My life's filled with drama so having her as a friend who creates drama and thinks it's all about her and no one else then NO, sorry, girl. I don't need you in my life because you are not the only one with a husband, and other friends and family. We all have it. In one form or another. And the drama that is being created through your selfish thinking is just not right and doesn't make it easier. So, I have to say bye. We may see and talk to each other in five years again but certainly not now.
So, I'm better off now. Liberated. Finally.
I'm a good enough for the friends and family I have. I thought she was part of it but apparently she is still unwilling to accept the fact that I could not attend her wedding. So, I am good enough to be me and stay true to me and what I do and who I have in my life.
I was fully aware of the sacrifices I had to face but her blaming me and then coming after me again with that wedding story? No thank you. What's done is done.
I'm over it.
Hope you are having great friends. :)
I'm over it.
Hope you are having great friends. :)
Happy Tuesday.
6 comments :
AMEN.
I have had to miss a number of good friends weddings over the past few years. Living in Europe, working at Summer Camp, finances? All of those things go into being able to attend a wedding.
Do I regret not being there to celebrate with them? Yes. But they all understand and are happy that I wanted to go. Also, as one of my friend puts it: "Now, you just have to come visit me in Chicago and we'll have time to hang out as just us instead of the 15 seconds I would have seen you at the wedding!"
Sometimes a person's actions shows you a lot more about their character than their words.
I don't get that. I don't get why she had to take offense to it. If she wanted you there so bad, she should have paid for your ticket. You can't expect someone, especially a student to fly across an ocean just for you. Bleh. I'm sorry you had to lose your friend, but it sounds like she wasn't willing to be a good friend anymore.
I know where you're coming from.
I think it's a bit self centered of her to think that people should/could just drop their lives to attend her wedding. I understand a wedding is a huge deal ,but it's not like you told her you were coming and then didn't show. You were honest and straightforward with her- and that in itself took guts. She should have been understanding of your position. The fact that she acted the way she did then, and continues to now, just shows how immature she is being, and it seems that she didn't even attempt to put herself in your shoes, or value your friendship.
With all that drama, she sounds a bit toxic. Though it hurts, a lot, I think you made a good choice in letting her go, at least for now. You deserve better!
I am on your side here! She wasn't really fair. You wanted to come, but come on - we are not all Bill Gates rich! Of course you would come, if you were able to. It's a good thing that you moved on!
p.s. Love your blog :)
my goodness! she sounds really self centered, holy cow! if a friend was mad at me for not flying across the ocean for a big event like that, i would seriously question her sanity. i would never judge a friend who couldn't make it to an event of mine...i guess i'm secure enough to know they still care about me even if they don't make it ;)
I'm sorry all this happened lovely, but like you said there is no room for toxic friends in your life! As we have discussed many times that true friends have your best interest at heart and are forgiving and love you for you. You know I do!! Can't wait to see you soon.
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