August 2, 2010

The Rut and The Pictures

As predicted, my "weekend" doesn't look as nice. Granted, it could be worse...however, it's August and shouldn't this month still be warm, summer like and all that?! Come on!! It's not October yet (and even if, I don't want it to be cold). I still want to wear some fun stuff, stay outside and drink sweetened iced tea, or a frappuccino, or iced coffee, or just eat a salad sitting on a bench.
Instead I'm freezing, and wearing socks at home and two T-shirts and a sweater to keep me warm. Brrr...no fun at all. :( And surprisingly though...it's not even that cold right now...the sun came out too...just a little, but still, it's out. :)

I've had a rough Saturday and Sunday...work was okay, the usual. However, I just felt homesick, missing family and friends. I miss big city life, or just the chance to go out and walk around and never get bored. Here?! I get bored easily, heck, I am bored. There's nothing new I could discover, or I'll drive about three hours away...maybe then. I miss get togethers with friends, may it be just a funny dinner night,  movie night or a cookout. Adventures are needed. No huge mountain climbing stories, just fun adventures...spontaneous trips, or shopping days or something. But no, nothing here. I'm sure it's all my fault. I must be doing something wrong. My life's a disaster and I hate it. So, yes, the so-called weekend for you all was not fun for me. I was thinking way too much, complaining way too much and just wasn't happy at all. Weather was gorgeous and I so wanted to do something...like go out for a swim or just meet people. Didn't do this. I was stuck at work, all miserable and all alone. So, this needs to change now. More than ever. I know I am repeating myself but it's time now. At work I had it, and this was more obvious on Friday than on any other day. So, I know that when October comes I will feel relieved at some point but also very frightened and scared. I have no idea what will come next. I have no future laid out for me. Seriously. Nothing so far. I don't even know what I should be doing when I get off. Or now so I would know what I'd be doing when I am done with my current job. I have no desire to stay where I am, and frankly I am happy to announce this. At least I know this much. My thoughts are scattered all over...should I go back to school and take my aunt's offer and attend school in Turkey?! *oh boy* Or should I first visit my aunt in CA, then visit family in IL and PA and head back over to Europe and find a job?! Or travel more? Should I become Elizabeth Gilbert and just do some crazy traveling and soul searching?!
All I know is that I can't go on like this. Something, anything, has to change and that now. I am not getting younger and life doesn't wait for me. Life happens every minute and I need to take advantage of that. NOW.

Now you may ask yourself why I'm jotting this all down? I feel like it. It may really not be a post you were expecting but if you knew me a year ago you know that posts like this one happen. It just hits me and my mood goes all the way down and I feel miserable and all. Right now is such a moment. It's life and I embrace it the way it comes and know that this is just what has to be experienced in order to have a fulfilled future. I hope. It just has to be that way. Otherwise, I don't know why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. Trust me, I wish I had happier thoughts and feelings to share with you all.
One main thing that threw me off, and will always throw me off these days is weddings. Don't get me wrong, I love weddings. Mine is planned out partially in my mind, so this is all ok. Every girl does this I guess. For all of you that are married you either had your dream wedding or you didn't. Mine is still somewhere in the future. Hopefully. Looking at my life right now I doubt this very fact but again, this may change. It should change! But, yes, why do weddings irritate me these days?! I just got a wedding invitation sent in and even though I'm super excited for my friend and her fiancĂ© I am also very questionmarky. Ha, I know I just made that word up but it's how I feel. How can she be so lucky and I am so unlucky?! Don't get me wrong, she totally deserves this, I'm more than just happy for her. I wish I could attend but can't. Another thing that makes me sad. Wish I could celebrate with her. Life would happen and I would feel accomplished at some point. However, the wedding is in two weeks and it's just not around the corner. Damn you world, why are you soooooooooooooooo huge!!!! Anyways, her wedding invitation just showed how lucky and happy everyone around me seems and I'm just in a totat rut. 

So, anyways...let's get away from this ugliness...don't want to ruin your Monday!!!
Almost one week ago I decided it was time to go on a quick trip. Nothing spontaneous because I had a ticket and needed to go. The train ticket would have expired in September and who knows how I work until then...so I needed to take advantage now. :) It was rainy in this city, and in the south close to wonderful Italy, it wasn't. :)
So...here are some pics of me...trying to stay happy and all.

That massive building over there is...I forgot. A casino I think. The most important fact here is it's a picture of another country, namely Italy!!! :) Yes, just across from where I was standing...there's bella Italia waiting for me. I didn't go over this time. Didn't have time. However, it was worth taking a pic and sharing it with you!
My palm trees...I knew I had to find them somewhere...:)

Sorry for the watermarks but I felt like doing this today.
Hope you're having a fabulous Monday.
I'm going back to bed now!
Brrrr....

xoxo,
♥ Selma ♥

10 comments :

Sara said...

I think your post has getaway written all over it! Do it..

And coffee, I had two coffees and one turkish coffee today? I think I am doing better.

Meghan said...

I hope you find what you're looking for come October - anything is possible! Follow your heart:) I just know that great things await!

Katie said...

the architecture is just beautiful there!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

The pictures look amazing!!!! I hope you find all the happiness that you deserve!!

samnhal said...

Yay, I'm so glad that you posted pictures from your trip. I agrree, your post has getaway written all over it, but more than that I think you need change because getaways are no fun when you come back and life is exactly the same as when you left it...when there was a reason that you wanted to leave it. You should move here! It's not a super big city, but it's big enough...or move to LA and then I can come visit you!

Jenni said...

I am sure everything will work out! In the end, at least its all very exciting!!!!!
PS-dont forget to enter my giveaway!

Marcie said...

Wow, this was your little getaway?! How amazing! I know it is hard to enjoy things when you are homesick; I get like that too. I hope you are able to enjoy those amazing sites. Hand in there- it will get better.

xo Marcie

Elle Sees said...

hope things get better...wit...they WILL!

Jess said...

Sorry you're feeling off :( Hope things get better!

Glad you got a chance to get away last week. Where were you exactly?--it's so beautiful!

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

Sara's comment seems oh.so.true!!! Thinking of you pretty girl!

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...