I Won't Disagree

I had a dream...not what you think now. Or maybe it is what you think. Probably another one of my silly dreams that makes no sense or makes only sense to me (heck, it was my dream after all). Or it's just one of those ridiculous illusions you get when you feel you've had enough. Maybe. Maybe not.


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I was literally walking here...ok, maybe not exactly here but at least it sort of looks like what I saw in my dream. I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with my wish to go back to some sort of beach and walk on sand and just feel freedom, maybe as wind brushing through my hands...who knows. All I know is that I saw myself walking on sand, going towards the water and then returning this way looking back and seeing what's on this picture. Weird and nice at the same time.

Do you believe in dreams?
Do they mean anything to you?

To me, dreams are illusions and possible events in the future and even in the past. They tell a story. Our mind is constantly working even though we believe we put it to rest for a while but it constantly moves and engages itself in some action...and I believe dreaming is one big adventure for our brain. Mine went nuts last night. Granted, it was a nice dream. At least I wasn't running away from anyone, nor falling down, nor crying or whatever...
Thanks to a friend of mine I learned about a dream website. It's an online guide to dream interpretation. You can discuss this topic for hours, heck years, and still end up puzzled. Some believe in whatever dreams try to tell us, others don't. Some say, Jung and Freud were geniuses and others may so holy disagree with any of what they claimed in their lifetimes that this whole topic could go on forever. It intrigues me, I have to admit. But I digress...as usual.

Looking up what "Beach" meant in my dream or what it possibly could mean was this:

Beach

To see the beach in your dream, symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind. The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself. It is a place of transition between the physical/material and the spiritual.

To dream that you are on the beach and looking out toward the ocean, indicates unknown and major changes that are occurring in your life. Consider the state of the ocean, whether it is calm, pleasant, forbidding, etc.

To dream that you are looking toward the beach, suggests that you are returning to what is
familiar to you. Alternatively, you may be adapting or accepting to the changes and
circumstances in your life.

All from www.dreammoods.com

This got me thinking...my unconscious "talked" to me...or didn't. Or did I really just make it all up and believe in a dream that didn't even exist. The interpretation is quite astounding. All so very true. Not to 100% but close enough for me to believe in dreams, or in their interpretations. The website I used might not be fully accurate and you could argue about so many things, but psychology and everything else affiliated with this psyche of ours etc etc is a broad and intense subject. One I love. However, reading what "beach" meant and knowing what I saw in my dream made me think - a lot. Is this another sign?! Do I really still believe in signs?! What should I believe in?! As for my dream and its possible signs...I won't disagree...on any of it. At least for today.

Have a terrific day!

Sunday, Monday...Tuesday?!

Good morning!

Sunday was a tough day. I felt as if nothing really wanted to be alright. I stayed home. I think it was the best thing I could do given how I felt. As if I was hit by whatever everything hurt. My toe (I hit it in late March right before I flew back to California, and it took forever to get it healed and back to its normal shape and color) hurt like crazy. I didn't hit it anywhere, nor was I was using it or doing something to it. I was standing folding laundry and there it was, an aching pain like as if someone used needles to remind me how painful it was back in March. I had to sit down. Couldn't move anymore and therefore, my huge pile of laundry is still waiting to be folded and put away. Besides my toe, my neck was the second bad thing trying to ruin my Sunday. I couldn't move my neck for a while. A wonderfully painful headache came crawling in around 1pm, and yes, my stomach told me it was upset. I did manage to do some laundry (at least that) and write a letter. Oh yes, I'm almost done reading a book, too. I also tried to take naps but failed. My suitcase for my upcoming trip is also ready to be filled (won't fill it up though; shopping is a must while in Spain) but the main thing I wanted to do on Sunday, namely relax, was practically impossible.
Is this a sign that I'm getting older?!
If so, can it please stop and just go back to earlier?!
If not, what the hell is this?!
Maybe it's my body telling me to slow down, keep it real and relax a lot. It's a sign telling me it's time to move and start new. Stress, emotional stress, triggers a lot and I believe it's literally eating me...or at least it just started to. I can't seem to get rid of it. I'm surrounded by it. I've tried several things to ease all that and to at least calm down a bit but it won't let me. Wherever I go and whatever I do around here reminds me of work and that means reliving whatever happened so far. I can't let go. I wanna let go, and I could but my mind still focuses on that job of mine and it wants me to know it.

It's Monday, and all I know is at 3pm I'm being picked up.
We're trying to go to the IMAX theater and watch a movie. After that, dinner someplace nice where we can catch up on whatever happened over the past few weeks, well even months. My very young friend is pure life inspiration to me. She's barely 18 and so mature for her age. She's also still naive which makes her so special. I love her for that. She's what she is and she's living life as if nothing really mattered. She's going to finish high school soon and then hopefully emerge into this world with open arms and an open mind. She looks up to me which scares me. I'm a mess at times. Sometimes I'm standing with both feet on the ground knowing what I want, sometimes I'm absolutely lost. I dream a lot and maybe it's just all that, the whole combination of it all, that fascinates her. Plus, she's got no older sister. Maybe I am hers. Maybe she's my younger sister. Who knows. At least, I'm going to have a wonderful afternoon and evening today!

Tuesday?! We'll see what's going to happen...all I know is that work starts at 6.30am...already dreading it. That's so not good. Shouldn't work be fun?! I mean at least something we don't dread every single day?! I believe it should. A sign...again! Or a statement...

Weekend

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Time to relax, finish reading at least one book, watch entertaining TV shows and fun movies, pack my suitcase so it's done, do some laundry, do some more cleaning in the house, write a letter to my friend, sleep in and just literally find some quiet time and peace.

A lot to look forward to...it's Saturday and past noon, and work starts in about two hours. Not looking forward to it but it's work. There are so many out there not having a job, not even earning enough money to even buy bread or milk. I'm thankful for what I have at this very moment. I put my complaints aside and cherish what I have and what I can call my own.

I spoiled myself yesterday and today by buying some beauty things. Nothing in particular. Will tell you more once I learn how to use it all and how much it actually changes me. It's supposed to. So, we'll see. I bought two things in a store yesterday, one was necessary, the other one not so much but I've already used it and so far it's done no harm to my skin. At least that. Can't complain. The thing I bought today will be delivered in about two weeks. Maybe it arrives while I'm spoiling myself in sunny and colorful Barcelona or right after I get back. Either way I'm excited. I'd wanted to buy it for years now and was never able to. Now I am and didn't hesitate a bit. I'm so excited.

Happy weekend everyone!

For one day I am the girl again in the picture...
...full of life, full of passion and excitement!

Look What You've Done

Daily inspiration is needed. At least for me.
If possible I'd like to get started by really having a fabulous day, with or without sunshine and a clear sky. It just has to be a good day. Nothing should go wrong or the day just feels weird. Today was such a good day. Well, it could have been better but I have to say it was an okay day. Everything pretty much went smoothly. I like it that way. No emergencies, no outbursts, no arguments, friendly people all around, a good coffee break and chat after work (thanks M.) and support from people I wasn't expecting any.

As you may have noticed my summer's been just a tiny bit off. Needless to say I need big change and new challenges in life so whatever that may be will enrich my life, possibly lift it up and just make it a happy one. We are our own creators of whatever we want to have in life and when we want to live a happy life we should be able to create one. Honest truth, I'm working on it. I really am. Support today came from two very different people though.
One was a regular customer. She noticed my knack for languages and the fact that I can easily switch between two languages as if it was nothing. Last time she saw me was years ago. We started talking about languages, the future and my plans and all. She noticed I felt more comfortable years ago and now I just seemed out-of-place. My wish to go back to school and start something new, maybe even away from everything over here was something she could identify with. She said I should do whatever I feel like doing. I should go for whatever I have in mind regardless of consequences and friends and family telling me it's a bad idea. After all it's my life and even if that idea of mine didn't turn out or wasn't what I had in mind I would always be able to go back home. She would do it in a heartbeat if she were me. I felt relieved. I mean, she's known me for some time or basically heard millions of stories about me I'm sure, but she just literally met me today (talking can bring people together) and hearing something like that from her, from a stranger really (because I don't get too personal with customers, really), was what I needed.
The second person was my friend in Philadelphia. I got her insight and view on my little summer misery in an e-mail. We have a lot in common, sometimes too much, but in the end we understand each other and know what the other one might go through. I have to add that she moved to Philly about three years ago and ever since has loved it there. Her southern accent is almost gone, too. By the way I love Philadelphia, too. But I digress. Knowing what it means to leave family and friends and move to a completely new area with very different views on pretty much everything, and starting something new is something she can identify with to 250%. She knows what it means to say good-bye to family and friends, and not be able to see them every single day. She knows that it's always hard to be a stranger in a new city. However, what she told me is to think of my current place as a temporary place. It sure sounds like it. Just pack your bags like I did were her words. It won't hurt that much. It'll be hard but also great. Thanks A., I think I needed to hear this.

To some of you this might be nothing and you would need a lot more to get going, but knowing that two so very different people support me on this idea is pure inspiration. One I so desperately needed. I'm still going through my weird phase but I guess this is part of life. Without such daily downs, we wouldn't grow up...growing up doesn't stop when you turn 18 or 21 or finish college. It's a constant. It's what defines us. So, even though I don't like where I am at the moment (with all my negative thoughts) I know there's a reason why I feel this way. Good times are definitely around the corner somewhere.

With this positive thought in mind...Barcelona is just around the corner!!!
Ten more days and my friend S. and I are going to have a blast in Europe's most colorful city.
My Euros, passport, and creative mind are ready... are you?!

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Smile

My shopping day was a success. I didn't get all I wanted. As mentioned in my earlier blog entry I knew that I wouldn't get everything and basically end up with something I don't really need. As predicted I ended up with two (and thankfully not three) new books. I got a 20% discount on each book by presenting my bookstore card which had never happened before. I was thrilled. And, I got a couple of tops or blouses, and well...that is it. However, I think the day was a success. Lunch was beyond delicious, and our waiter was just so very perfect (besides his good looks), the weather was a bit off with gusty winds and some rain showers from time to time but other than that the day was great!!!! Kudos to that shopping idea!

Today was a regular day filled with work, computer problems, annoying stuff to deal with and well, my not-so-liked co-worker's return. So far so good. I found out, thanks to our lovely and cute computer guy Mr B., that our little ridiculously annoying computer problem was caused by some unnecessary software installation. The only person that does such things is that particular co-worker. I do touch computers and do update but I don't install stuff just because I think it's important and a must-have. I do install it when I'm asked to by an expert and she's far away from being one. It's not the first time and I just knew when Mr B. told me that a weird installation was done on our main computer that it was she that did it. Oh, how grammatically correct of me, or should I say I?! Either way, everything's solved now and our problems are gone. As I said...so far so good...you never know what happens and what crazy idea she comes up with next. Until then my motto/theme is SMILE.

I loved this song while watching My Girl 2, and since Tuesday I can't get it out of my head.




...an unforgettable song, no matter who sings it.