July 10, 2012

Appreciate Yourself

On a relatively warm and sunny morning I find myself staring out the window into nothing. I may occasionally see the trees and their leaves move but I do not respond to anything going on outside or near me. I just sit and stare. My mind is blank, and my coffee mug begs for a refill. Music is coming out of the radio in the kitchen and although I am loving the current song I just ignore it and don't even hum to it. I just sit and stare.

What happened?
Who am I?
Where am I?
And most importantly why I am here.

Don't worry, this is not going to be a sad post.
But, a few recent moments have made me think this way.
I feel unappreciated. In any way possible. By my mom, my family, some of my friends, and well, sometimes even me. I know I said this is not going to be a sad post, and I will keep my promise.

But sometimes I really wonder why I even went back home over the summer.
Why I thought I should go back after one year of being away, wanting to see everyone again, wanting to share things and live life with my family and friends right here and now.
No one seems to be around, and even if, they are not.
I think worst is my family.
But I won't go there.

But hey, I know...I want to keep it short and happy...

...so I look at the bright side of pretty much everything. I leave the window and stop staring, and I take a book and read it because it lets me escape for a while. And once I walk out of the door and head on out into town where I know every single dust ball and painted corner I still find little things to cheer me up; like a little kid playing with a bird or crying because he lost his balloon, or an older couple holding hands. 

I have to appreciate myself.
I have to appreciate my strength, my will to appreciate my own life.
I am alive.
I am alone.
But I am alive.
Even if it means to spend every day by myself.

Until I can fully say people appreciate my being here and trying to spend quality time with them I appreciate myself and my life first...just with the perfume I put on, and the nail polish I decided to wear today. Or, I go out and visit my friend and her little newborn baby. Just like yesterday.
She is so delicate, so precious, and so ready for this crazy world.
Babies make me love life.
It is the little things that count.

 Today, I am fully appreciating myself and my life and my silly thoughts.

Hope you are appreciating yourself too.
Because, you never know, there will be a time when you find yourself staring out a window, too.


Jamie said...

Going home is great, but can also be hard when I realize not everyone's lives have been hold while I've been away. But eventually I figure out how to work myself back into their lives.

Amy Powell said...

I wish I could say I don't know what you're talking about, but of course I do. I think it's human to feel this way every now & then. kudos to you for stayign positive & keeping your head up!!

hope you fully enjoy your time :)

Leeann @ Join the Gossip said...

I appreciate you! I think you're a great person and should be valued!

I totally know what you're going through and I think we all have this experience. Lately I've been letting go of "friends". If they don't make an effort I don't need them. Plain and simple. If you are not treated right it's not worth it.

If you ever need anything - shoot me an email or tweet. I have kinda been MIA with work craziness but it's slowing down now and I'm always here :)

Tiffany @ Polka Dotted Cats said...

Beautiful post. Going home is never easy, but at least you get to spend a lot of time in a beautiful place that you love.

Vanisha @ Vanishas Life In...Australia said...

Such a great post to remind us of the important things, especially now that we're in the middle of the week. I absolutely love that quote from The Help. My husband and I saw it in variations to each other when we walk home from work :) Hope you're having a great week!

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Ocean Dreams said...

Sending you hugs! Your family will always be here for you and you know I am! It must be hard living in between two places - it's hard for me sometimes too even though I know we have different circumstances. Thinking of you, xoxo.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

I feel for you girl. I have been there and I know what it's like to go home and be so excited to see people and them not be there or available.


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