Appreciate Yourself

On a relatively warm and sunny morning I find myself staring out the window into nothing. I may occasionally see the trees and their leaves move but I do not respond to anything going on outside or near me. I just sit and stare. My mind is blank, and my coffee mug begs for a refill. Music is coming out of the radio in the kitchen and although I am loving the current song I just ignore it and don't even hum to it. I just sit and stare.

What happened?
Who am I?
Where am I?
And most importantly why I am here.

Don't worry, this is not going to be a sad post.
But, a few recent moments have made me think this way.

I feel unappreciated. In any way possible. By my mom, my family, some of my friends, and well, sometimes even me. I know I said this is not going to be a sad post, and I will keep my promise.

But sometimes I really wonder why I even went back home over the summer.

Why I thought I should go back after one year of being away, wanting to see everyone again, wanting to share things and live life with my family and friends right here and now.

No one seems to be around, and even if, they are not.
I think worst is my family.
But I won't go there.

But hey, I know...I want to keep it short and happy...

...so I look at the bright side of pretty much everything. I leave the window and stop staring, and I take a book and read it because it lets me escape for a while. And once I walk out of the door and head on out into town where I know every single dust ball and painted corner I still find little things to cheer me up; like a little kid playing with a bird or crying because he lost his balloon, or an older couple holding hands. 

I have to appreciate myself.
I have to appreciate my strength, my will to appreciate my own life.
I am alive.
I am alone.
But I am alive.
Even if it means to spend every day by myself.

Until I can fully say people appreciate my being here and trying to spend quality time with them I appreciate myself and my life first...just with the perfume I put on, and the nail polish I decided to wear today. Or, I go out and visit my friend and her little newborn baby. Just like yesterday.
She is so delicate, so precious, and so ready for this crazy world.
Babies make me love life.

It is the little things that count.

 Today, I am fully appreciating myself and my life and my silly thoughts.

Hope you are appreciating yourself too.
Because, you never know, there will be a time when you find yourself staring out a window, too.