June 17, 2010

This is a different post

Stand up for what you believe in!!!
Do what you want to do!

Yes, thank you...it's easier said than done. Seriously.
I wish I could split myself up into three pieces and make me (and preferably others) happy.
Today I realized I'm torn between two, heck, three places. My heart and soul belong to three places and it's not easy. Granted, I did not just realize that. I've known this for years. I knew it when I was four (oh yes!), I knew it when I was ten (I remember that time so clearly; as if it was yesterday!), and I knew it when I turned 18 and 20. I also tried to deny this very fact about me, and for a short while I succeeded. However, the soul is stronger and showed me that I need to stand up for what I believe in and love and so I couldn't really deny heritage, history, family and happiness. Yes, I knew it when I was four, ten, twenty, and with 25 it hit me again...and last year it hit me even harder. Not so sure where this is coming from today but it is and I'm writing it all down because after all it's my blog and I can and will write down what I want to say. If you don't like it skip it and move to another site. If I didn't write it down I'd be lying to myself and lying is bad so I won't start with that. :)

Yes, I don't know where this sudden urge to write comes from. I embrace it. No doubt. I also have this sudden urge to thank everyone for being so wonderful to me. Great blog friends!!! Love you all. :)

Just a while ago today I had this urge to sit down and write emails to my aunt and uncle, oh yeah, cousins too. Not sure why. It felt good don't get me wrong, but I just can't tell you why I decided to write and send pictures. I did though and I feel accomplished. One way to start the day I guess. :) I try to do one good thing per day. Even if it means to just say "good morning" to this elderly lady I see around 6.15 when I was to work. Today it's connecting with family. That's one thing I really don't like about my family; that we all live so far apart from each other. My family ranges from southern California to mid-Illinois, to Philly and New Haven over to England (incl. London), Switzerland, Vienna, Istanbul and Ankara...all the way to India. Insane. I'm sure I'm missing someone somewhere but for the most part that's about it. To most of you this sounds awesome, and I have to admit it is awesome! But looking deeper into this it makes me sad too. There's a reason why we're so far away...why it came to this and why it's like this today. There's also one uncle I don't talk to anymore. It saddens me. Freakin' money issues were bigger than family (well blood!). Though going back to where my family resides...it's awesome. I'm proud of it. I'm happy someone clever invented the internet, fun and insanely crazy sites like facebook, skype and twitter...and yes, even this awesome blogger site...it keeps us all connected. It makes the world smaller. At least that.

Summer misery is back. It just has to be. Today I looked at pictures and was surprised to see me smile and being happy. YES, finally. I haven't touched my camera since I left Philadelphia. Shocking? Yes. There's hardly an event that calls for pictures. Sad, huh? I used to have my Pembe in my bag all the time...just to take pictures whenever and wherever. Now?! Don't feel like it. Don't see the point in it. I feel sad about this. Do I have to change that? Yes I do. *sounds like Bob the Builder: Can we fix it? Yes we can!* Anyways...so that's what's been bothering me. Those blah days aren't gone yet. I also blame it on the weather. Spring never really made it over here, and summer teases us every single day. It seems they were all right when they predicted a horrible summer...maybe two days of sun in June, and maybe two more days of sun in July. So far, all right!!! I totally blame it on the weather. I totally am.

Needless to say with all the blah moments right now I don't feel like writing much.
I will post more inspirational pictures to enhance not just my days but also yours.
So, forgive me for not writing much in the next few days or commenting much. I'm reading all of your stories though, I never skip a story. :) I just don't feel like writing. :( Forgive me.

Have a brilliant day everyone.
May the sun welcome you today (because it clearly didn't welcome us here)...I so need to get out today...like in the next 20 minutes...hmmmm....because the main grocery market in this country has 10% off everything today. Just today. Why?! Because Switzerland beat Spain's ass big time last night. Hahahaha! Never thought I would say that but I was shocked and sad that Spain lost. Thanks to them losing we get 10% off today. So gonna go grocery shopping!

But this post wouldn't be me if I didn't put up pictures...would it?!
Here's to boost my inspiration; home...I'm missing it. More now than a few weeks ago.


...and the sky really looks like breathtaking there.
:)

♥ Selma ♥

4 comments :

samnhal said...

I'm sorry that you're kind of in a bummer mood. My family is a lot closer together than yours, and it's still hard to keep in contact with everyone. Sigh, life is le dumb sometimes. Maybe you would be happier if you made some more friends over there? It's totally hard, I need to do that too, just come here and then neither of us need to make more friends!

Katie said...

such a hard spot to be in! But on the bright side, at least you have place to belong :)

Crazy Shenanigans said...

That's a hard place to be in. If you ever wanna talk or get bored, you know you can always hit me up!

OceanDreams said...

Hang in there love! I hope the summer time continues to cheer you up and make you feel happy, I know it is beginning to do the same for me...

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