April 20, 2016

Time Heals All Wounds - QOTD #29

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” 
Rose Kennedy


I have come across this very quote a few days ago and it hit home. Hard. I so agree with this quote because although we want to believe that time heals all wounds it doesn't. It may make it easier but it may not make those wounds go away. Ever. They stay with us whether we like it or not. They shape us and make us either stronger, more fragile, determined, confused or bitter. I am a mix of all of this. My wounds are still open, and it hurts to know that soon it will hit a one year mark. Time sure flies but it doesn't heal those wounds, it just lessens the pain. 

Yesterday I started experiencing anxiety attacks again and they aren't pretty. It's a mix of allergy related anxiety attacks as well. Thanks pollen, grass and trees...thank you. Well, maybe I should thank me for all of that because I caused it. But that story is for another time. I don't know what caused my anxiety attacks yesterday but man I felt awful. There were moments I felt great and normal and I kept wondering why I felt normal that moment. Was it that I didn't think of my mom? What is that I didn't think of the day? That I didn't think of what may come after that one year mark? Probably. I don't know. I don't think about the day, officially. I'm sure subconsciously I am. I am sure my mind dreams about it but won't let me see those dreams. I am not stupid. I know the day will come and I know it will bring back memories and sadness. I was told to get distracted that day. I am hoping we will find a way to do so. It's so very real and so very weird. And the funniest thing about it all is that my anxiety leaves me once I start crying. It's like all the sorrow, all the heavy stuff I carry with me and all the worries I have leave me for however long I cry. It feels great and yet it feels awful because I am an ugly cry baby. My face swells, it gets red and I look like I swallowed a sour melon that is too huge to even get eaten. 

So, long story short...I am a mess and time heals NOT all wounds. I am sad yet happy. I am a mess, really. Every day I learn my lessons, I cherish each moment and hope mom sees how I am doing. Well, I hope she won't see it all because some of it isn't pretty and I am not proud of it but hey, it's life and I needed time off to reflect on myself, my life, my future, my health and heck, I am proud to say I am ready to conquer the world again. I must, whether or not I am happy. I simply must.

I hope this finds you happier than I am. If you're experiencing similar feelings consider yourself hugged because hugs help. Hugs are needed and a true blessing, no matter who gives them. Remember that. 



The Flynnigans said...

Sending loads of hugs to you! xoxo

Sara Strand said...

I absolutely agree. I don't think time heals anything, I think it just changes how you feel about something. You know, you feel like a mess today, but ten years from now? You'll still be sad but you'll have other things in your life that make you happy. But sometimes those things remind you of what is missing, you know? Grief and sadness is strange that way, sometimes it crops up unexpectedly. But I think time helps you reflect on things and (hopefully) you're able to remember more happy memories than sad ones.


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