This summer started off by being shocking, draining, and just downright sad. I have come to terms with what happened. Not saying I am over it or not grieving anymore. However, there is nothing left in me that denies what happened or fights the idea of what happened. Life happens. I have to remind myself every day that everyone fights some sort of a battle; whether it is an illness, the loss of something or someone, a broken home, or just a really really bad day. I am not alone. We are all in this together but we walk our own walk and fight our own fight - with or without the help of friends or family.
When I went home this year I never imagined to go through what I had to go through. Granted I knew this day would come but didn't expect it to arrive this early and suddenly. Either way, I am proud of how I handled it and how I tried to make myself smile and enjoy my hometown for a while. I realized that home to me is not merely where I grew up or where I feel safest. It's a combination of many things including safety, happiness, memories, a place that allows me to be me, and a place that allows me to grow in all directions. Home is certainly also where the heart is.
So where is my heart?
It is definitely in Northern California, in Southern California, in Istanbul, and in Luzern. Each one of these area offers another definition to what I call home. Luzern is my hometown. I was born and raised there. I have friends there. I have memories there. I will return to visit. Istanbul is home to me as well. I have family and friends there. I have memories there. I can be me, and this city allows me to grow and be astonished every year I return to it. Southern California is home to be because I felt happiest there while in the US. It allowed me to be me and grow. I feel safe there and have memories there as well, even though nothing beats Europe. Northern California. Who knew I would return after I left it 15 years ago? NorCal and I have a special bond. I am beginning to like it again, and make memories with my favorite person. It allows me to be me but so far I have yet to find that new me. Time will tell. Sunsets, too.
It is definitely in Northern California, in Southern California, in Istanbul, and in Luzern. Each one of these area offers another definition to what I call home. Luzern is my hometown. I was born and raised there. I have friends there. I have memories there. I will return to visit. Istanbul is home to me as well. I have family and friends there. I have memories there. I can be me, and this city allows me to grow and be astonished every year I return to it. Southern California is home to be because I felt happiest there while in the US. It allowed me to be me and grow. I feel safe there and have memories there as well, even though nothing beats Europe. Northern California. Who knew I would return after I left it 15 years ago? NorCal and I have a special bond. I am beginning to like it again, and make memories with my favorite person. It allows me to be me but so far I have yet to find that new me. Time will tell. Sunsets, too.
In short...my home is where I am physically - right now. However, my mental state still lingers in other places. I know this will change, I just don't know when. You'd think it is only in Northern California since we chose to move and live here, yet, I don't know...it is not yet home home.
Where is your home?
Is it where you currently live, or where you grew up?
Or it is somewhere else?
Where is your home?
Is it where you currently live, or where you grew up?
Or it is somewhere else?
5 comments :
For me, Home is where my heart is. I have lived in Massachusetts my whole life. However, I do have a strong desire to live somewhere else. I just don't know where that it is yet. What will be will be. Home can be where you want it to be.
Right now I don't know how to answer. I've always lived in the Midwest. But I feel as if it's not the right place for me anymore. I'm ready for a new adventure, we just have to get the money saved to go do it.
So happy to have you back.
Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird
You've been handling everything exceptionally well and we are all proud of you :)
Home is about to change for me. I'm getting experienced at the moving thing!
I've lived in the same town since I was 6 years old. I have wanderlust something also and long to find that special place to call "home." I think it was just a matter of convenience that we've stayed here.
Glad that you have many places to call home in your heart!! :)
Finally catching up on your blog! I'm glad to see that you are doing well. I get what you mean. I grew up in WV and love it there but CA is home now!
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