If I Could I Would...

...send you flowers each day, especially today!

Today is my mom's birthday.
Today is a tough day.

I don't even know if I should say "today was my mom's birthday".

What is correct? What is appropriate?
All I know is that today she would have received another beautiful set of flowers, a bunch of skype and phone calls from us and much more. If I could I certainly would. If I could I would send her flowers each day. Flowers don't say much but the thought counts. 

Today is a tough day.

I am trying to distract myself with work, music, and the thought that she is now much better and that she wants me to remember her and not cry like a freaking maniac. I have cried enough and even though it is part of this whole grieving process, my face, my skin and my eyes are over this wetness I create on an almost daily basis. I have not found the perfect make-up to cover up my bags or red face I get from crying. Mom would be frowning just knowing I cry so much. She definitely frowned a lot but this time I would agree with her. It is enough.

Today is a tough day.

I will honor her with one of her favorite dishes - a dish she made a lot for me years ago. I am so glad I asked her for the recipe. Today I will cook this easy dish, drink a glass of white wine in her honor and thank her for bringing me into this world, for allowing me to be me {even though she never wanted to let go off me}, and for making me sad because my sadness shows I loved her and still do and really truly miss her wherever I am.

Happy Birthday, Mami.
I hope you are doing well wherever you are and know you are in all our thoughts. One year ago you celebrated your big birthday with family and friends...today you are hopefully seeing us celebrate you one more time, just a bit differently. 

Today is definitely tough and if I could I would send you flowers!

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